leaving

Yesterday my DH informed me he is very seriously considering moving across country to stay with his parents. After just two sessions of counseling, he has decided that are problems are too big and that we will never be happy together. So serious in fact, he is pretty much just down to figuring out how it will happen. He indicated he consider this a permanent, final thing. It has been a very rough go these last few years. I am normally pretty layed back and fun, but I have recently developed some health issues including anxiety which I never thought I would ever say about myself. I was just about at the point of suggesting a temporary seperation so I could perhaps regain my health and emotional strength. But he beat me to it when he let me know what his next steps would likely be-- moving "back home" and away from me. I am very saddened at the way our 20 year relationship is ending. At the same time I feel a sense of relief, which makes me feel a bit guilty. I am sad because I can see things that are totally "fixable" with hard work. I am sad because he will continue to live untreated and unaware of the life he could have. I am sad because he thinks I am a horrible, unfair person with impossibly high standards. But I am also relieved, I think because I don't have to fight "to save us" anymore. Part of me is saying "isnt there something else I should be trying? If he's not gone yet, isn't there a slim chance for us that I should be trying to grow?" The other part of me is saying "I am damned tired, but I'll help you pack!" That sounds horrible to myself, but the truth is I am not a completely well person right now and desperately need some relief. He didn't sound like he considered it temporary, so I am a little afraid he is waiting for me to ask him to stay and therefore am missing an opportunity for reconciling.

So sorry

I have rarely known my husband to tell me something this serious, only wanting me to tell him not to. Your only option is to just let him follow his choices and suffer the consequences, whatever they may be. I always try to tell myself that things like this aren't the end of the world, just maybe where things need to 'go' for now. So, tell him you respect his decision and try and accept it for now. We all know how well it goes when we attempt to change the mind of an ADHDer who has made up their minds to do something...let the name calling and ugliness begin!

I am so sorry that he feels this is his only option for now. If I had to guess, I would say he's overwhelmed with the prospects of the hard work he has ahead of him. This may be the only way he can process it. I know it feels like he's running from it, and in every sense of the word, he is...but in my experience they run only so far, and once they see we aren't there chasing them anymore, they stop running and finally start dealing with their issues.

(((HUGS))) See this as a gift from God to give yourself a chance to 'heal' and make the most of it, if you can.

Sherri