I previously posted this in the "Organization" forum w/o any responses, . . . So I am pasting it up here with hope I might get some of your thoughts on this real problem. This really is about the lack of joy in my marriage with respect to leisure time,
Thanks in advance!
Springerswimmer
Why is it so tough to figure out what to do with leisure time or, more-to-the-point, "non-work" time? Certainly I am challenged at work (Organization, decision-making, and short-term memory are daily struggles) but the real issue for me (and my wife of 36 years) is what happens (or more accurately, what does not happen) during my week-ends and other days off, never mind vacations.
I have worked steadily for over 35 years as a licensed clinical social worker in the not-for-profit mental health field. Ironically, my title is Performance Improvement Administrator! Somehow I need to improve my own performance at home. On most weekends or days off I will, if left to my own devices, sit around and listen to classical music / jazz; watch TV, search on e-bay for another something that I don't need to add to my collections (cameras, CDs, DVDs, watches, binoculars), and if I don't know what else to do . . . EAT! I will actually have an internal monologue as I head for the kitchen, "well I don't know what else to do so . . . ."
I recognize that part of me is uptight about going out into a new and unfamiliar situation or environment. I like routine and knowing what a place &/or experience will be before I get there. Unlike some others here, I am not a thrill seeker.
I truly often cannot decide what to do during leisure time. I have trouble figuring out what I want to do. What I should do is easier, and even that I will avoid. If my wife suggests or plans something involving me, I will frequently get annoyed that she did. But that is a temptation for her, otherwise I will not likely initiate a plan (never mind think of one).
I do take medication for depression and anxiety. I tried Adderall for a few days but that raised my bp so I stopped at my doctor's recommendation.
Rather than go on and on . . . Please give me some thoughts about my leisure time dilemma!
Thanks!
Springerswimmer in NJ
Trying new things in Leisure time
Submitted by ajr on
Springer swimmer....
Im a Non ADDer with an ADD spouse...Your post is interesting....Im one of those people who relishes trying new things as I get bored doing the same things over an over....and no I wouldnt call myself a thrill seeker....My husband is not a terrific planner but will go along with things I suggest doing...
Sounds like we are opposites.... What exactly do you feel when placed in new situations..What worries you? That you wont know anyone, have much to talk about etc? Any chance you have Social anxiety disorder?.Some people get uncomfortable in public places? Just a question as I didnt see where you mentioned ADD at all as a part of the equation.
Have you tried sitting down with your wife to express you anxiousness with specific situations.... Im guessing she is frustrated also, and doesnt know how to help....but its good that you sound like you want to get some resolution to improve, so you have an awareness of the problem which is the first step...Good for you. In my mind awareness of the problem is the first step to recovery.
You mentioned you went off your meds due to high blood pressure. Did the Dr. give you an alternative to try?? Im not a Dr to know if meds are the solution here but start there to see if it helps...
Engage your spouse and be honest with her. Im guessing she is very outgoing and needs to socialize and do things as a part of her personality?
It sounds like the inherent YOU is not comfortable trying things on your own....My suggestion is to get a handle on the depression and Anxiety first and see if that opens you up to trying new things.
Good Luck
Leisure Time
Submitted by springerswimmer on
I appreciate your thoughts. Just for the record, I do have ADD. I guess I am looking to hear about others whose use of leisure time may be problematic and thought to be a function of planning, organization, and/or decision making. That's what I think is at the root of my difficulty, though I certainly understand that it may be compounded by some anxiety. So what about ADD as a primary factor in leisure time issues?