I thought I would add to the Progress you are Making and Hope topic as it seems like I do a lot of 'bitching' on here and turning to the forum when things are at the breaking point, instead of when they are positive and progressing well. A few things: 

• I had come to the point after years of soul searching and trying to pin down the most 'deal breaker' issues, that, for me, I could not handle or was going to support a disrespectful and toxic marriage, bordering on emotionally and verbally abusive. I decided my course of action was to choose to begin seeking a separation from my spouse and communicating that to him, which I started doing in January. He hadn't taken medication for 2.5 years. 
• He started in February to begin taking meds again and sorting out his treatment with his psychiatrist. It's been up and down. This past weekend he started on a higher dose of concerta and I could immediately tell the difference. We could have semi-"difficult" conversations and it didn't turn into a full-blown argument, passive aggressive exchange! He is more attentive, and has been more since the beginning of the 'divorce' conversations started in January. 
• I reiterated again in our joint counseling session this week that I will pursue a divorce if the unmanaged adhd, anger, irritability and frustration continues to be directed at me. I drew the line in the sand (for the second time in front of our therapist, in order to be explicitly clear where I stand). We had a good ending to the session and positive discussions after that. Perhaps it's the concerta.. . . 
• I'm hopeful that we can continue to make progress and with his moods mediated by the meds, begin implementing adhd-strategies effectively, together (like organizing our life and splitting chores). I do really love him and the person he is and we're a good fit at the root of it.