Life with My ADD Spouse

Sunday at 2pm (in a restaurant)

Michael:  Oh, by the way, I need a ride to the airport in the morning.
Lauren: Um, would have been nice to let me know ahead of time. I have to work you know.  What time is your flight?
Michael:  I'm not sure. In the morning.
Lauren:  Well, what time do we have to leave?
Michael:  I don't know.
Lauren:  Well, I have to know because I need to let my boss know if I'm going to be late.
Michael:  Just drop me off in the morning.
Lauren:  Well which airline are you flying?  I'll look up the flight.
Michael:  I'm not sure.
Lauren:  You don't know what time your flight is or which airline you are on? 
Michael:  No, I might have the paperwork at home.  I think I need to be there around 7.
Lauren: So you just want me to drop you off for 7 and hope for the best?
Michael:  Yeah, should be fine.

Sunday at 11pm (at home)

Michael:  Jesus f'ing Christ!!!  I thought I had my flight info in my bag, but I must have grabbed the wrong papers.  These are fedex documents!!!
Lauren:  So you don't know which flight you are on or what time it leaves?
Michael:  Why, why does this always happen to me?
Lauren:  Can you call someone at work and find out?
Michael:  No, it's 11pm and the admin can't check her email and I don't know her number.
Lauren:  Can you text your boss?
Michael:  No, then he'll think I'm an idiot.
Lauren:  Well, we have to figure out something.  Let me look up all the flights going to Philly.  Here, I've found 6 options for tomorrow morning.  Just show up early and figure it out.
Michael:  Why me, why me why me??  Jesus Christ, why can't anything go right.
Lauren:  I don't know.
Michael:  Where is my passport?  I can't find my electric razor.  Have you seen my white shirt? 
Lauren:  I have no idea.
Michael (holding giant luggage):  I can carry this on the plane, right?
Lauren:  I think that's too big. 
Michael:  I hate my life.
Lauren:  I'm going to bed.  Let's leave at 5:30.

Monday (5:15 am)

Lauren: Michael, it's time to get up.  You're gonna miss your flight.
Michael: Oh, I texted my boss.  My flight doesn't leave until tuesday.  I had the days mixed up.
Lauren:  WTF!!

Monday (7pm)

Lauren: What time do I have to drive you tomorrow morning?
Michael:  It's a 7:15 am flight.  So, drop me off at 6:45.
Lauren:  I think that's cutting it a bit close.
Michael: No, the woman said if I'm not checking bags then I don't have to check in that early.
Lauren: Yeah, but there will be traffic and you still have to wait in the security line.
Michael:  It's fine.  Stop telling me what to do.  You're not always right.  I’ll just talk to someone when I get there…they will let me cut to the front of the line.
Lauren:  I think we should leave at 5:45 at the latest.
Michael:  Have you seen my passport?  Where is my razor?  Can I have money to go to Walgreens?

Monday (11pm)

Lauren: Texting Michael - this is an awfully long trip to Walgreens.  Where are you?
Michael: Oh, I ran into a friend.  We're having scorpion bowls.
Lauren:  Ok, but maybe you shouldn't stay out late.  You have to get up early.
Michael:  Stop telling me what to do.

Tuesday (5:35 am)

Lauren:  You need to get up.  We're gonna be late.
Michael:  We're fine, plenty of time.
Lauren: Come on let's go. 
Lauren:  You can't bring all those liquids on the plane.
Michael:  It's fine.
Lauren:  No, it's not fine.  Let me dig out some travel sizes and put them in a plastic bag.
Michael:  Where is my tie?  Where is my passport? I can't find my shoes.
Lauren:  Why is your razor in the laundry room?
Michael: Jesus Christ we're gonna be late.
Lauren:  Come on, we need to leave!!

Tuesday (in car on way to airport)

Lauren: Wow, traffic sucks, we're never gonna make it.
Michael:  Oh my god, this sucks, why is my life so sucky?  Why can't i get anywhere on time?
Lauren:  I told you we needed to leave early.
Michael:  I forgot you are perfect and I suck.
Lauren:  I guess so.
Michael:  That lane is moving faster why are you in this lane.
Lauren:  I'm not driving like a maniac to rush to a flight that we’re going to miss anyway.
Michael:  Just get in that other lane!!!!!  What is wrong with you!!!!  Make sure you get in the carpool lane, it will be faster.  Why are you in the carpool lane?  No we're stuck behind this slow poke!!
Lauren:  Shut up!!!!!
Michael:  I'm gonna miss the flight and be late for the trade show.  This sucks.  Why did my boss book me on this flight during rush hour.  It's her fault that I'm missing it.
Lauren:  No, it's your fault.
Michael:  Ahhhh!!!!

Guess who missed their flight?

Wow...

Great narration of the total chaos that ADD creates. Has your husband been diagnosed? I somehow figured out long before my diagnosis that I HAD to organize and use tools, like Outlook, to keep my self organized. If you can believe it the ADDer (Me) is the more organized in our house. After my diagnosis at age 43, I responded very well to meds (Adderall) and things have improved a lot. Not just because of the Adderall, but by continuous study of ADD and it's effects. This site and the many great people (On both sides of ADD) have helped me so much!

YYZ

I so get this!

This is exactly what I went through taking my husband to the airport only he drove so we could get there faster. He would leave 30 min. before his flight left since we live 15 min. away that was plenty of time.  We almost got into a back accident the last time with both kids in the car. It was, of course, the other drivers fault.  I have made him take a cab since.

Thank you for posting this, it helps to know I am not the only one who has to go through this. It has been 13 years and he is finally realizing he may have ADD. 

WOW - this is my life too

This is my first post, I've just been reading others' experiences but yours was totally familiar. My only question is how did you not completely go postal? I know from reading through this site that I need to let go of control, not get angry, etc....but your description is so perfect and it is my world, 24/7, for almost 22 years, with an ADD husband. You sounds as if you are able to keep it together when these things happen, how on earth do you manage it?

I understand

I could tell 100's of stories just like that one.  I think I can stay calm because I'm so numb.  Car accidents, tickets, lost wallets, lost keys, swearing, threatening...goes with the territory.  Thanks for posting.

Ashedollar's picture

Sounds like here

I swear! That sounds just like a conversation here. I thought that I was the only one that lived with this

 

I LOVE IT

I love it- your post just made my day- my adhder ordered  take out for us last night- after telling him what I wanted- circling it in the menu and writing it down on a post it he tried to order me hot links intstead of turkey- he even said to me " wow I didn't know you liked hot links"- I just shook my head and smiled

yup.

my parents, sister, friends, teachers, bosses, anyone who was around me or depended on me experienced this at some point.  Having been the ADD one I have found work arounds and tried really hard to fix the really important stuff and have for a lot of it but I still slip up sometimes.  you said he is medicated?  maybe you didn't, i wasn't paying attention, if he is on meds he's not on the right ones or right dose, if not he needs to be on them.  sometimes we find ways to figure out how not to screw up, again, and other times we need help from meds or friends, family, gadgets, whatever works.

that was a great way to show typical interactions that frustrate both people.  we don't learn from experience sometimes, we think we've figured it out and this time it will be different, we think everything will fall into place because it does that sometimes but we don't see the impact it has on those around us, not all the time at least.

may the force be with you.

This is hysterical.  I go

This is hysterical.  I go through this as well.  After 13 years he still says "you don't like mushrooms? I thought you did we always have them on our pizza"  Um ya because I say can you get without mushrooms and you order it with anyway.  After 13 years it's the same!  I order now. 

Exactly

Same here...its beyond funny!  Six years and last week he finally figured out I don't like onions!  He was like really?  Ummmmm yeah thats why I don't eat supreme pizza...Hahahahahaha

Guess my DH is the oddball in

Guess my DH is the oddball in this instance, he knows all of my favorites and likes and dislikes. Nice to feel 'important' even if in such a small way, it helps. I know these things aren't intentional (them 'not remembering' that you don't/do like something) but I think it adds to the feeling of the relationship as a whole...we all want someone who knows what we like and can surprise us with it as a nice gesture occasionally. My DH does this...kudos to him. (well, he did it before meds...before last Oct...not so much anymore).