A lifetime of betrayal and lies blissfully unaware

My husband was diagnosed with ADHD after I discovered him lying to me to my face and  I insisted he seek help.He went to therapists, psychiatrist , we went to couples therapy and I went to therapy as well.He got on medication and it worked beautifully for him. He divulged a habit of lying since childhood to compensate for learning issues and shame. He revealed he had been telling "little lies" about stupid stuff like coming home early to de-stress watch stupid tv. Off shopping saying he was working. I mailed that bill etc..He swore that there was no other lies and treatment was going great. I was feeling a lot of anxiety and a sense that there was something he was not revealing . Repeatedly he told me there was nothing else, couples therapist thought I was over reacting and urged me to work on this with my therapist. We were doing well he was more communicative , loving thoughtful and was feeling connected to me. We were in a honeymoon phase, then I found the lie. His search history revealed that before treatment he was looking at porn. This is a betrayal to me and this I believe was what the lies were all about. He was spiraling before treatment and he was planning and manipulating me to grab the time for the porn and his down time. We have been married 34 years and I now know that he did not support a job change that would have made my commute small and I would now be home much more and be able to spend weekends enjoying the things I had missed out on.The manipulation , selfish,  lying , lack of support that I was totally unaware was happening over the course of my marriage has devastated me. We never fought he says he enjoyed spending time together but needed this time (most of the weekend) to de-stress. He also did not consider me in any decision he made or the consequences of his behavior His therapist says he did not have room for me with everything going on in his head. He says he could not express how he felt before treatment and did not feel the connection until now. Everything with his treatment is going very well , I just can't move past the hurt and the final lie that he made on my life in therapy. He was ashamed and felt I would leave him ,once again deciding what I would say or do. He consciously was lying over the course of our entire marriage , making me think and everyone else how devoted and loving he was. He says it was like a second life and he had his cake and was eating it too. Everything for him is going well and I am truly happy for him , I don't know if I can live with him. This is all very raw 3 weeks since the porn came to light . It is crazy how he is now who I thought I was married to and now I am so hurt I feel unable to get past these feelings. Is there really hope.? I have not found anything to guide me that feels right for me. I am a Christian but all the Christian blogs make me hurl!This wasn't a short term problem it is my whole life. I believed in him and loved him and never suspected a thing. Can anyone relate or give my any guidance?