light in tunnel: hope or train???

Our kids have adhd. My H has adhd. I’m fighting for health in this family. The wheels came off everything, and in looking for help from professionals, we realized our kids have adhd, which led to the realization my H did, too.  Cliche story, right?

I’ve been doing so much to try to give my kids a better life than what my H has lived. Therapists, psychiatrists, meds, good diet, supplements, exercise, charts, routine, etc. But sometimes it feels like it will never ever be enough and between my H and my kids, I feel like I’ve been through the ringer.  

Some days are better, some are worse, but it is a rare day when things are peaceful.  I’m so burned out.  I’m tired of emotional outbursts. I’m tired of adhd kids having screaming matches. I’m tired of playing family therapist. I’m tired of teaching them the same skills over and over. I’m tired of their extreme emotions. And I’m tired of the conflict between my H and them. I’m tired of him being guilty of the same crud they are, but him playing the role of lecturer who doesn’t see his own behavior. Did I say I’m tired? 

All this constant stress is hard. I used to think (when they were all adorable and tiny) that the day they all moved out was going to be SO sad. I know I will still be sad, but it will be mixed with some relief, and I hate that. Motherhood and marriage feels like a war zone.