I often feel like I am doing little acts of kindness for my wife - getting her morning coffee when I am the first one up, cleaning her glasses when I clean mine, emptying the dishwasher when I get home before her, offering her a snack when I get up to get one for myself - I could go on and on. And it feels like she hardly ever returns the favor in kind. I'm thinking that these things just don't make it to her radar - and that it has to do with her ADHD. In fact, I HOPE it's related to her ADHD, else it would mean she is a thoughtless person. This is beginning to take it's toll in that where I never gave it a second thought in the past when I do something for her, I now find myself thinking things like "I wishe she would do this for ME sometimes." (And I have actually said that to her sometimes "Honey, I wish you would get MY coffee once in awhile.") Or else I intentionally DON'T do something - like offer her a snack when I get one for myself - so that she can see what it feels like, and then I feel like I'm being mean and passive-agressive. The rare times when she DOES do something, she makes a point of saying something to me about it to make sure I notice (like I wouldn't notice!), which also makes me resentful for some reason.
I'm wondering if anyone else is experiencing something like this and if you have found a way to deal with it - either by getting to a place where it doen't frustrate you or by getting your spouse to at least sometimes do something that's considerate without having to point it out to you when she does.