A couple weeks ago, our couples therapist asked what would make me feel more loved. I said consideration, with the example that I should not have had to do all of the leaf raking with my bad shoulders. My wife responded that she would but I needed to remind her. I pointed out that she had offered to help, then said she would help after the she did something in the kitchen, then said that she thought (finally) taking down the Halloween decorations was all the help I needed, and did not rake any leaves. I reminded her several times.
Our bed was covered with my wife's clothes that needed to be put away last night. I had been feeling very tired since Saturday night and had made her aware that I needed to get to bed early. Our son did his usual sneaking of electronics, setting off a fight between them. I reminded my wife that I was not feeling well and needed to get to sleep. She continued fighting with him even when the argument wasn't going anywhere. "OK, you're sorry. What does 'sorry' mean?" I reminded her several times I needed to get to sleep because I did not feel well. Besides the clothes covering the bed, the noise made it impossible for me to sleep. The fight lasted a long time and she finally cleared her stuff off the bed. (She claims she "wrapped it up" right after I said I needed to get to sleep.) I went to bed. And then she read very loudly to our daughter--so loud that at first I thought she was fighting with our son again.
This morning, she said she was sorry and promised it would not happen again. Given her fight with our son last night, I could have asked her what "sorry" and "promise" mean.
Here's one of the great kickers about when she is inconsiderate about my need for sleep. I get up at 5:30 on workdays. She almost always asks me to let her sleep until 6. Then she runs late and gets angry. I have told her that I would feel less resentful of her sleeping longer if she let me get to bed on time.