Submitted by cmdjls on 07/29/2008.
I have been married for 12 years to someone with ADD. I have been immensely frustrated and even verbally abusive at times. I don't like being that way. I've changed a lot, but the fact remains that my husband has a disorder and it is always going to be there. He has many great qualities, but honestly, so do a lot of other people, and they do not require such high-maintenance and nagging... I have suggested the idea that maybe we should continue to be married, but live in separate apartments. Perhaps in the same apartment building. This would suit me, because I would have my own living space and would not have to be responsible for the executive functions of his life. In turn, I think he would probably like me more, too, because he is free to do whatever he wants, he can leave things half-finished and there is noone there to be annoyed by it. But I'm not naive, and I see that this could potentially be the end of our marriage. But honestly, I'm not willing to go on in a marriage where my needs are not being met. I don't accept the usual answer to non-ADD spouses that I should just be more compassionate. I've tried that road (which is probably not evident from my writing), but now I am interested in being compassionate towards *myself* and not sacrificing any more of my life taking care of this. It's not my fault he has ADD. My question is, do you think living separately has any chance of working? Have you seen cases where this has been successful? Almost all of my issues have to do with living with him in the same household. Minor personality issues I can live with (and have a few myself). Thank you.