Living separately

My husband was diagnosed with ADHD about a year ago.  I have a 12, 10, and 5 year old.  I moved to another state about 3 years ago for my husband's job.  He is very successful and work-a-holic.

I am responsible for most of the childcare and child issues.  More than usual since he was not reliable for childcare and his schedule of work and his extra activities haven't allowed for childcare.    He is making an effort now outside of work.  But work doesn't leave much time or energy.

I have several long-winded blogs explaining my exact circumstances.  But, basically, I am having trouble reconciling with the past as well as thinking the future will be any different.  

My husband has told me that my depression and problems I have (as a result of the ADHD marriage) will not hold him back.  He has never shown any ability to adapt to a non-adhd lifestyle which I think would include emotional closeness.  

If his stance is that I won't hold him back from the life he wants to lead.  Then rather than put 3 kids through a nasty divorce.  I am thinking it is reasonable for me to plan ahead for a life by myself as the kids grow up.  

I don't like the state we have moved to.  I gave up the opportunity to see my sister and her kids and other family members and old friends, except 1-2 times a year.  I have made a few friends in the new state, but I can't really be authentic while I am hiding my marriage problems.

I am considering getting a new degree and planning my new life while my kids finish school.  It's a long-haul, at least 8 years if I can convince the third kid to move.  It's a really long plan, but I am so stuck that I don't know what else I would do.  It would take me quite awhile to finish a degree since I don't see any relief in childcare responsibilities.  My husband's job is about 12-13 hours a day and night commitments.  The ridiculous corporate entertaining that men seem to love.

I have this fantasy that I just have a very small life in a very small house near family and old friends instead of this very large, corporate, lonely life.

Does this seem do-able?  I think it seems fair considering his stance on our future.