I'm new here. I needed to find a space where I can talk about how I feel. I hope this is it.
I believe my husband has ADHD. I say believe because he has never been diagnosed, but we've been married 15 years (it's been a very difficult marriage) and a couple of years ago I stumbled on some info about ADHD in adults and started to read up on it (via internet articles) and I am 100% convinced that this is what my husband suffers from.
I've tried to tactfully mention it to my husband a few times, and suggested we get some kind of marriage guidance counseling or support from a psychologist, but he completely ignores my suggestions. His mother taught him never to share anything personal with other people (his father was a drug addict so they got used to hiding their personal life from others and putting on an act) so he doesn't believe in visiting psychologists or anything like that.
I am, however, at my wits end. Apart from professional burnout, I find I get these mini mental break downs every few weeks where I can't stop crying and I have no one to talk to. I have read lots of advice columns that say I should try and find time for me (I go for walks) and talk to a friend etc. The problem is I am the breadwinner, as well as doing the shopping, cleaning and most of the cooking so I have very little time. My husband isn't able to organize himself to work. He has no profession and no idea how to make ends meet. We live in South America and I don't have the kind of support network most people have. My entire family is in the UK, and his family are dysfunctional. Only my MIL helps out, but she is now becoming increasingly frail and still works (she has spent her whole life supportign all the dysfunctional people in her family), even though she's past retirement age, so her support is minimal. Certainly, I don't feel I can talk to her. Although I speak Spanish, there is a cultural barrier and I don't want her involved in my marriage, quite frankly.
I literally don't have any friends to speak of. I'm not exaggerating. I spent many years throwing myself into work to make up for the shortcoming in my marriage and neglected any friendships I could have had. I now suffer from social anxiety. Also, my husband refuses to meet any "friends" I might have, discourages me from inviting people round, never accompanies me if I'm invited to a party or wedding, and refuses to attend church with me - which is the only social event in my life. Building relationships at church has been so hard. I just don't seem to have anything in common and it's just a case of "How are you? Great, see you next week, then".
I'm desperately lonely. I barely have a conversation with a single adult. My husband and I communicate very superficially. We rarely argue. I rarely nagg. I've just learned that those things don't work. The kids are always around because we haven't been able to establish a bedtime routine or anything like that. My husband just can't help me with that and I'm exhausted when I get home from work - I sometimes work a very late shift too, which I can't get out of (I'm a university lecturer).
I don't know how to dig myself our of this rut. I used to be so outgoing and now I feel crushed. I want to be the old me again.
Thanks for letting me vent.