So I have been married for almost 4 years now. I have ADHD, MDD, insomnia and panic disorder and possible bi polar disorder. She has been told she has anxiety and a personality disorder (most likely BPD), but refuses get diagnosed or treated because shes in the military and is afraid of repercussions. Her psychiatrist allows this. I am on medications for all of my disorders as well as seeing a physiologist. I have been making good forward progress with myself, which she agrees with, yet tells me Im getting worse when shes yelling at me.
She ignores and invalidates my disorders. I get no support from her, she refuses to acknowledge that I have issues and disorders. To make it worse she uses her conditions as an excuse for behaviors and actions. She says shes working on them herself but it takes time, while expecting my issues to not be a factor in ever.
She says that I invalidate her. I, from time to time, may come off as invalidating her view points, when her viewpoints are based on nothing but her own feelings which she'll twist to her advantage or bring up part of because the rest will contradict her. I will try to calmly and politely point out why her thought process makes no sense. But then she gets angry and changes the subject to something else as she realizes Im in the right
She regularly tells me shes afraid I will hurt her or our son, which I have never done or threatened to do. She has called the police numerous times saying that I was going to hurt her. Every time the police have told her that a verbal argument does not constitute a police emergency. She argues that because some people sometimes become violent then I will become violent at some point. She tells me I'm a bad and neglectful parent because I don't do everything she says or do things the way she thinks they need to be done concerning our son.
We will sit and have a calm discussions about things and when we argue she ignores it and will only accept her way. We both have issues with compromise and I do still occasionally. Its one of the first things I worked on in counseling. She expects that I am to do what she says and not question it. When I let her know that I don't like her doing certain things it turns into her telling me Im controlling her.
She asks for space, yet complains that I'm ignoring her when I give it to her. She says she wants to separate to work on herself, yet refuses to work on herself while were together.She states it takes time to work on things yet shes been saying that for a year. We've tried counseling a few times but she gets upset and refuses to go the first time the counselor brings up an issue that my wife feels is against her. I even had my own and within a week she wanted me to move back in. Only when shes angry with me does she bring up separation
All this agitates my disorders. My psychologist and both our friends and family (hers as well) feel that she is the main cause of my emotional state. They see the changes in me since we've been married, going from someone who is carefree and optimistic to being admitted to a psychiatric hospital for having a nervous breakdown that caused suicidal ideations. Yet she tells me its my fault I ended up there. She blames me for any problems in our marriage and refuses to acknowledge any issues she causes.
I realize that I have issues and am not the easiest person to deal with. I have mood swings, a short temper, I can be stubborn at times. I get irritated and fed up with her excuses, rather they are valid or not. I have erratic sleep patterns, which cause me to be irritable. I have many issues both present and past. I am trying to learn to recognize my issues with my disorders and come up with solutions. Until we were married I used substances to numb my emotions when they came into play. Learning to deal with emotions that Ive never had is difficult, especially due to the fact that they are so severe and strong. This causes me to overreact in certain situations as I dont know how to handle them. And Im sure theres other things Im either not thinking of or not aware of.