I just broke up with my partner of 3.5 years. He's not diagnosed but has textbook behaviors. He was stonewalling AGAIN, after an argument that escalated because he took my concerns about a legitimate safety issue as a personal attack. I GOT DONE with the RSD, especially... but also the communication issues, the selfishness, the whole deal. I feel sad in some ways but also relieved. I am glad I finally made a break, but also disgusted with myself that this was always a dead horse and I beat the shit out of it, let him get away with far too much emotional abuse of me, I just made excuses for it, set boundaries that I didn't enforce well enough. I pushed back on the verbal and emotional abuse but should have enforced my boundary by leaving long ago. Hindsight is 20/20.
He's not a horrible person, but he was a harmful partner. I am not as sad as I thought I would be, probably because of how bad it was feeling to go through the cycle. But I do feel taken advantage of. I feel a deep sense of disillusionment and regret, I feel a fool. I allowed it, I know I am responsible for myself. I just didn't get out as soon as I ought to have. I have to just go through the feelings.