Looking forward to empathy and kindness

I really had a bad moment  just a bit ago.  A blender that my late husband bought me is giving me trouble.  I have been trying to really clean it and I cant seem to get it clean.  I think maybe its just so old its falling apart.  Thing is - I use the thing religiously and am very attached to it (I know I should not be - its just a small kitchen appliance... but for some reason I really am).  I have been trying for 2 weeks!  And still no luck, so today I got really upset thinking I need to replace it - that I wont be able to get it clean enough to really use anymore.  And it really just made me sad, sad and frustrated.  And really REALLY angry.. though I suspect that anger is coming from deeper things and just found an outlet.


What does my soon to be ex do?  Nothing.  Doesnt ask me if I am ok, ask me whats wrong, ask me ANYTHING AT ALL.  Just goes about his business. 


And thats how its always been... god forbid he ever be even slightly uncomfortable showing some small kindness to me or some fucking empathy.  I am not surprised, and didnt expect anything from him.  Because he seems incapable of giving a damn about anyone but himself.  I am sure he is sitting outside chainsmoking and watching more videos of world of warcraft.  I cannot believe I ever have wasted my time on seeing what I could do to HELP him, trying to find ways to make him happy..  WHAT A WASTE OF MY TIME AND ENEGERY... He never returns it... EVER. 


I am really looking forward to not feeling alone, but just being alone.