Submitted by TryingToBeatTheOdds on 01/03/2022.
Hi all,
Been reading as much as I can about the perspectives of Non-partners (and ADHD partners) on here and it's really heartbreaking but eye opening, especially recognizing it in our own marriage. I though i'd try to reach out the community for ideas on little and easy ways to make my Non-partner feel special and appreciated. So many times I though of extravagant, elaborate ideas and just failed to start or start and then get distracted, or just get overwhelmed. So last few times kept it simple, like hiding notes of appreciation in different places for my partner to find.
Honestly, while meds have kept me on task, less distracted and less moody, my creativity I used to have feels shot.
Anyone have any stories or ideas to share?
What can you do for you Non-ADHD partner
Submitted by tle700 on
As a Non-ADHD spouce, I was so used to not getting romance, that I stopped dreaming. I knew I was miserable but I sucked at defining what would make me happy. I knew my husband wanted to do things for me but he couldnt execute his ideas so I created a Dream Book. And it wasnt easy because I had to define my own love language. I was out practice and found that I couldn't articulate what would make me happy. I wrote down exact details of the activity and what it involves...Where to go, location, who to call, how to make the reservation, what day of the week, what activities I wanted us to do, etc... Some activities were big...like swimming with dolphins. Some were small...like bring lunch, a bottle of wine, play some jazz and sitting on the beach to watch the sunset. (so you probably figured out that we live in FL! ) I came up with 50 activities but it wasnt easy. It took me 3 months to figure out what would things mattered to me...what things he would be capable of executing (I didnt want to set him up for failure) and what would make me happy and feel ignited, excited and loved! Then I put each page in a booklet and gave it to spouse. I told him that there is no priority or timeline- that anything in this book would make me happy and probably result in great sex. I gave him a roadmap to follow and took the guess work out of him trying to execute his desire to be romantic and make me happy. Anytime he executes an activity from that book, I know his intention is to make me happy. I appreciate how much effort it took him and it rekindles my love for him,