Looking for some hope - really need advice

Where to begin... I have been with my husband for 2.5 years, we married last year and our first baby is due next month. Last year I started thinking he might have ADHD but he wasn't open to hearing it then this year in Jan I brought it up again and something clicked for him. He read a book about it and looked at some videos and felt like his life was being described. Everything I read on my end feels like it was written for him/us too. No diagnosis yet but I would be shocked if it came out that he's not got ADHD.


I love my husband but all too often I feel worthless and hopeless. His outbursts and frustrations from feeling overwhelmed are always taken out on me (then as soon as someone calls he's happy and laughing... why don't I get that version of him anymore?) I feel resentful of one of his friends in particular who he's been hyper focused on since coming back from our wedding. Always talking about him and wanting to hang out with him and even when I'm not feeling well or stressed for pregnancy stuff, he'll choose this friend and just say 'he needed me'. I went from being the only person he wanted to spend time with when we first met, who he wanted to make sure was okay all the time (and it was such a change for me after some not great partners and so sweet and I remember thinking 'I've never had someone treat me like this before. I could get used to this, I would love a life with someone so caring'), to someone who feels uncared for and ho he never wants to spend time with.


I often feel like I was tricked into marrying him by his ADHD. The hyperfocusing he was doing on me made me feel incredible! And yes, we still had some issues but I was in this 100%.


I have days of hope but then things seem to go south again. We'll be having a normal conversation then suddenly he gets aggressive (with his tone/words).


Today is a day of hopelessness and thinking I'm going to have to give birth alone in a couple of weeks as it's so stressful being in a room with him and never quite knowing how he's going to react. I am so stressed for the future when baby is here too. For a quick run down of reasons:

- still not advanced in diagnosis and getting the help he needs (we're in France and it's not really a thing here - there is a huge lack of understanding and specialists. Everytime I talk to him about making an appointment with someone he gets angry and says I'm putting pressure on him...)

- everything is 'tomorrow' or 'I don't WANT to'. I'm so sick of explaining that sometimes in life there are things that we don't WANT to do, we just HAVE to. And everything's that's for 'tomorrow' is actually for 'never'. What will he be like when baby is here? If he can't even help out with cleaning and doing the dishes because he doesn't 'want' to, what will happen if he doesn't want to change the baby, or give her her dinner or whatever it is

- the excuses! it's always 'sorry, BUT' - and the main excuses are work and being tired. He quit his job after I told him I was pregnant (he changes every few years when he can't deal with it anymore) and set up his own solo company. Many days he doesn't even want to go to work or get back to clients and complains he's tired but does zero to help himself feel better (poor diet, no exercise...)

- he only sees problems, never solutions. And it's so tiring!!! So much negativity.

- he seems to magically think that he'll be a great dad. I wish this were going to be true. But I just don't see how that's possible with how he is now. He's financially irresponsible - I'm always having to bail him out and pay the majority (the word 'budget' is offensive to him). He is not good at organising (so I have to do everything whether it be presents for others for birthdays/Christmas, organising holidays, paperwork, getting everything ready for baby's arrival etc etc. He doesn't keep promises/is forgetful/changes opinions in one sentence. Is very focused on himself and what he wants. His emotions can be volatile - I don't want him to snap at our children ever for no reason! And he criticises a lot/says things in a way that put me down and I don't want our daughter to hear these things or think it's normal/acceptable.


I feel so burnt out sometimes and fear I'm not going to be able to be the mum I want to be if we don't get any specialist help - but no idea where to find it! And my husband just keeps procrastinating and says he's got too much to do and will do it later...


If anyone has got this far, and has some advice then I'm all ears! But please don't tell me to leave him. I'm 35.5 weeks pregnant, have no family of my own in this country (great friends though! But they all have their own families to look after), and I really really want/need this to work. One of the biggest things I have ever wanted to give any children of mine was a happy home with a mother a father (my dad died when I was 6 months, and my mum was emotionally neglectful and extremely selfish), so I want to at least try my hardest to make this work right now.


Any stories of hope out there of families with an ADHD parent and children? Everything I seem to come across is about unhappy children and divorce...

Thank you :)