My wife (we married in 2000) was diagnosed with ADHD about eight years ago. She has tried many primary medications (Ritalin, Adderall, Vyvanse) and a good amount of secondary medications (Effexor, Wellbutrin). I don't think she ever quite found the right combination for her—but she did have a certain degree of success with some of them—but she always complained about anxiousness, sweating, weight gain, and feeling jittery, which made them unacceptable.
About a year and a half or so ago, she decided to stop taking the primary medications (moral reasons? not wanting so many chemicals floating through her body?) and started to take natural supplements to replace Vyvanse (but she continued to take Wellbutrin). Things seemed to be going well for a while, but recently, my wife's behavior began to change drastically. She began pulling away from me physically and mentally, started smoking, began to drink heavily and started telling me that she wanted to be "a free spirit". Subsequently, she has told me that she is questioning our marriage and pointed out that she never was attracted to me (!) and that she only married and have stayed with me out of obligation and because I was such a good "friend". :\
In my mind, I feel that all these facts are pointing to untreated-ADHD affecting her immediate (hurtful) behaviors. I also see how these patterns have affected our relationship. I have read Melissa's book and I identify with all the patterns she presents and since 2010, I have been doing my part in all this, attempting to mitigate the effects of ADHD on our marriage as best I can. However, I am convinced that her psychiatric and therapeutic treatment has not been adequate and that many of these thoughts, feelings, automatic negative thoughts and behaviors are directly related to ADHD.
So, why I am posting all this? I am sad because this doesn't feel like the wife I married. It feels like she is giving up on our marriage because she can't take the time to focus on truly working through issues that have occurred (mostly due to the affect ADHD has had on our relationship). I feel terrible because I feel like I am doing everything I can, but it is difficult for my wife to see what she is doing to me and ultimately what she is doing to herself.
The good news is she has (a bit reluctantly) agreed to see a new psychiatrist—an ADHD specialist in our area to get re-evaluated and get better advice about medications. I am happy to report that this professional is inviting me to attend the initial evaluation and requires additional information from the spouse (none of her past psychiatrists/therapist has EVER asked for my input!).
Any words of wisdom, advice, thoughts, prayers would be most welcome. I hope to share more as things progress (whether we stay together or not) in hopes that it may help others out there experiencing similar situations. :)