I am losing my ability to work,tooo much fighting with my husband, and it takes me to bed hurt and in tears and I worry, worry, worry, aaaaalot, and as a result in those fights are failure to accomplish my days work, I am over tired and mentally exhausted with all the fights and the things he told me the same night.I can't work today,, and many days had pass before, when I could not work before, because the tension and fights is affecting me, luckily I own the business.I am scared for what my future holds financially?He would not help me at all financially,,, and now I am losing the will and mind to perceive it myself.I try soooo hard for it not to affect my work, but,apparently I cannot control my emotions and keep up with the fights."who could"!!!???? I am being taken advantage of tremendously on his part with my hard earnings, and he is not at all supportive.He thinks he is doing me a world of favors by helping me fix my car, when he is my husband and should do it willingly.After all this "car nonsense" is over,, I might be going my separate way,because this is serious now,my work is what takes my kids to school, and feed them,I am willing to save my marriage but I can't do it without him in it.He is tooo overwhelmed with his own problems,which I find him not to have really anything to deal with"he ran from it all" left his kids in a next state,ran from mortgage,divorce,child support,everything,and here is where he went for anger management,lasted 3 months in an institution,, then we met.I should have known what I was getting myself into and I just ignored "everything" his anger the fights in the beginning his "mother" warning me, everything I ignored it and went after "LOVE"what do I do now??????????? love is not what makes me happy no more.I am after a next mission,"SANITY"stability,laughs,comfort,freedom of self worthiness,mental health,and most of all focus..Being with ADHD hubby is not doing these things for me.I don't want to end things with him,he is not always bad to me,but,lately the fighting is more than 3 to 4 times a week now.Tooooo much for me to bare,and the next day after the night we fight, he would go in his work and bad talk me with co-workers,male and female,telling them untruthful things about me and turning all things resulting our fights "on me".
I am not allowed to feel my feelings,I have to be always supportive with what he does or the problems he has and help him with them,which I always do,but,when my problems come up or my work or anything needs his support"he would not or "can't" do it",CAN'T DO IT!! is more the word for him.I understand all the negatives regarding ADHD and presently, I am reading all I can on ADHD but last night during our fight, I simply did all I can to keep up with the good advice I learnt from the book,but,I am the only one that is holding my end and he is not because he would not read the book or go for treatment or take medications, or let me read it to him, and further more I have been holding back the book from him, from defending ADHD topics and fights, I am not prepare to get into with him regarding ADHD topics as yet.He fights depressions of his financial loses and the lost of his "kids" which he contributed on his part and then self medicate these depressions, with drug abuse and alcohol,also pornography lots of pornography.He is hurting me!!! very much and I am at lost with him which ever way I try to do what's best for our marriage.I try to be nice all the time,supportive,helpful,I am tired and exhausted after work and the daily problems I have going on with my own life regarding my kids and so on,and when I fall a little in supporting him he takes that very seriously forgetting that I am also human and will fall short sometimes, and for him that should not happen I am the post he leans on for everything and now the weight of him is dragging me down.I am seriously tired now and need time away from him!!