I moved in with my ADHD partner about 9 months into our relationship after a whirlwind courtship. Since then, I've started law school and am absolutely losing my mind trying to keep track of everything going on in his life while simultaneously trying to balance schoolwork and my own time commitments. I find myself encouraging him to go out with his friends, do ANYTHING besides be at the house when I am. I use this time to clean up and organize everything that he's laid around the apartment, including half-eaten apples on the living room floor that I reminded him to throw away before getting into bed the night before, a half-eaten container of yogurt that he said he would finish eating a week ago, garbage bags full of stuff that was in his car which have been in the dining room for 3 weeks (that was his way of "cleaning"). If he is at home when I'm cleaning, he goes into defensive mode and says things like "I was JUST going to do that!" or he gets really overly-emotional and says things like 'baby baby baby I feel soooo bad.' And he cries and cries.
I am at the end of my rope trying to keep MY head above water while also having to minimize and anticipate any chaos that might arise in his life which, naturally, affects mine. I find myself avoiding my friends and turning down offers to go out and unwind on the weekends or evenings because I want extra time to maintain my house and surroundings, and of course to get a few minutes to myself. My ADHD partner has a very hard time with boundaries and doesn't understand that we can be at home at the same time and not have to be TOUCHING each other or even interacting. Sometimes I just need to relax and write in my journal or watch my favorite TV show after a long day at school. He cannot seem to ignore me and tend to other responsibilities while I'm home with him (like laundry, bills, etc.).
I do not think I can be in this relationship anymore, I am not at a good place in my life to be taking care of a child masquerading as a man. I know that seems so selfish, but I feel like I have completely lost myself in this relationship. Our lease is up in June, but until then, how can I protect my sanity and not completely destroy the fragile self-esteem of this man that I love but can't possibly be with?