I can't cry another day. My spouse has acknowledged ADHD. He uses it for every excuse why he responds, reacts or behaves. I am very sick . Sex has never been pain free for me , ever, due to bladder disease. Lately it has hurts worst and I went to doctors. Same day I did this my tooth chipped. This is how it today went...I told my dh (dear husband)that my tooth chipped. He said"great, doesn't instill much faith in your dentist.  On way to doc office, I grabbed the mail on the way out of house to read in car enroute. My dh says" why are so damn obsessed about the damn mail, it drives me crazy". Then we got to doctors and I had to go into detail about our lousy painful sexlife. I have some kind of infection (note I have lupus, I am walking petri dish in the waiting) and I am in peri menopause. No wonder sex hurt. Procedure was really painful. I tell him and he says quote" what do you want me to do, hold your hand?". I said I want you show empathy. I asked him to clarify what he heard and in a sarcastic monotone voice said I heard you. When I asked him to clarify in his own words . He, in the same sarcastic robot voice repeated what I said. Then he screams we have had a shitty sex life for years , why did I want to fix it now. I have always wanted to fix it , just to embarrassed and over the years sad to do anything about it. I also just had my bladder removed and trying to deal with all that entails.. Once he said that all hell broke out. He recites the parts in the book that I am doing wrong but won't look within. I said re the mail or anything that makes you mad. If I know it annoys him, then I wouldn't do it. Your assumptions that I am obsessed and trying to drive crazy. I like peace and that's what's I am striving to fine. He started screaming about how things are all in my head and a handful of awfully mean comments. I said I might make you angry because I haven't found an appropriate communication technique that works but I never say one hurtful thing to you.there is no excuse for you hurting me & using my fears against me as ammunition. I don't hate ADHD, I hate that he is making a choice to continue to hurt me. Asking him to read the book with me is getting old. I tell him things to evoke empathy and all it dies it makes him madder . My idea of empathy is " I am sorry your tooth broke, I know you hate dentists" or "that must really been unpleasant having that exam today are you ok?". That's all the empathy I was looking for. Now between being  very sick, having a sick daughter ( heart disease and other issues) living off my disability pension and a shorten life span, I need a break. The fact I am a Social Worker isn't helping because he assumes Should have cured us by now, lol