Lost and at the crossroads…

Unsure where to start as everything seems like a blur in my head. Although at the crossroads of having to make tough decisions...

Basic background info  - I am 49 and was recently diagnosed with ADHD in March of this year. I am currently on meds but haven't started therapy yet. Wife is younger and diagnosed with GAD. Married 10.5 years, been together for 13 yrs and we are both on our second marriages. 

Marriage has been rocky for several years due to trust being the biggest thing killing it. She stated she can't trust me as i wouldn't follow through with what i would say or had slight addictive tendencies which were hard to quit when i said I would. I get that, I understand she had problems with trust and yah i wasn't the most trustworthy person. I don't blame her for how she felt. She is an extremely smart, strong willed, independent women that I am still attracted to and still want to be with. 

My issues are that I have extremely bad spirals and have created this loop of having a fight, realizing what i did, apologizing and promising I would change only to be triggered again and spiral. As this has gone on for years before i was diagnosed and have had several spirals since being diagnosed - she feels i haven't changed. And maybe i haven't... 

I got laid off from a job of 23 years March 1st, got diagnosed the next day.. My world around me collapsed as of March 1st because I lost a huge support team that I had with my work family. I had a routine, I had a meaning in life, I had purpose... I slowly went downhill to a dark place where I was constantly spiraling and she helped me.. she supported me.. Although with the years of pain behind us, she was already at zero. She had no more to give and I kept taking. 

Fast forward through the storms..to yesterday. We haven't had many days where we don't fight, she hasn't had a weekend where we haven't been in turmoil because of me. So she is resentful and I honestly get it. So yesterday.. we had a fight and my impulsiveness said forget it and I went and applied for an apt. I got approved same day and now it is decision time... She is aware and I told her I have two options I want to present as I don't want a divorce.

I want to fix myself to get back to the person I know I am, who i want to be, happy and able to support her and our marriage.

Plan a - to stay at home.. forget the apt and I want to go see a therapist although I will need her support, so i asked for her to support me. (Not financially but mentally through this.) Mind you she hasn't stopped supporting me.. Even yesterday in the spiral she walked me back into a calm spot and reality.. I don't have a fear she won't support me... but I asked because I didn't want to feel like I expect it. 

Plan b- to move out and I would like to stay married - I want to see a therapist and I would like her support still. She quickly blew this one off as she feels that if i wanted the marriage to work then i would stay in it no matter what.  

So that led to plan c.. move out and divorce. 100% in or 100% out.

Her biggest issue with plan a was that I didn't mention anything about supporting her or what I was going to do for her or for the marriage, i agree.. i didn't. I got talking and I got on one path..and I didn't talk or think of other parts but what I wanted to say. 

At this point I am confused and I don't know what is best... I feel I will be ok but lonely moving out and getting a divorce. I love her and I want to be with her... I feel one of the biggest issues we have is communication. I have a hard time wording how i feel and she takes things based on how they are worded. 

I guess... right now lost in life in 23... 

Thanks in advance for any comments or posts.. I appreciate them all... this was therapeutic alone just typing it although I do value your opinions..