Lost, disconnected, and sad today

For those who have been married to an ADHD spouse with anger management issues, do those warm, fuzzy, loving feelings once felt ever return if they disappear??  H is a really good guy, and I mean that.  Not a narcissist.  Not manipulative.  Attentive and loving (when in a good mood).  Just not doing enough to prevent angry outbursts when he is triggered.  After being diagnosed last year, he is FINALLY going to a different psychiatrist tomorrow to try different meds.  I also believe he needs therapy.  And he says he will do anything to fix this.

But the bigger problem is me.  I feel numb.  Like a shell.  Tired of the same conversations over and over.  Exhausted from defending myself during one of his random rants, and heartbroken that I have become a person I don’t like.  I have no wish to be physically close. I don’t want him to try to hold my hand or cuddle.  I don’t know what’s happening to me.  I’m mentally separating from him, but it’s like I’m not doing it consciously.  My heart took over and is making me stonewall and distance myself.  My guard is permanently up and won’t go down.  Does anyone understand this feeling?  Can things be reversed if he does get treatment, or is it too late for me?