I've been struggling with this question. I think like all of you, I had the hyperfocused courtship which was ripped away and replaced with a desire to chase shiny things and find more and more discontent in the shiny thing he once was so excited about.
Im tired. I actually don't nag. I do walk on eggshells. And I've suffered tremendous pain, both from actions and words. I'm not good enough for him. Or not enough to take a close look at his own behavior.
I think I was in love with the hyperfocused person, because I'm that person. I give all my heart and love and soul. And I thought I found my soul mate. Reading the chapter about how those actions were for him, it made him feel good about himself... That would have completely changed my opinion of the entire courtship. I don't operate like that and I was looking for a person who would give what they got.
I love him. He's my best friend. However, that's not the same thing as a partner. Without getting into details, I'll say I can relate to many of the posts in here. Financial loss, emotional neglect, harbored resentment (from him), walking on eggshells in case I even think a critical thought that he can 'feel'. Distortion of reality to fit his narrative that will protect him from admitting to his mistakes. It's a lot to handle. It's likely too much.
It does feel like there are two people. The one where he shows up because I'm his interest of the moment (I am exciting in some ways, entrepreneurial and always on the move), and the one where he completely lets me down (where I need someone to hold my hand through a struggle).
I'm reading the book and the book sounds like more of the same work I've done. However, something needs to keep us with our partner at the end of the day. With all the work and literal putting aside our own feelings almost always, is love enough?