Love my ADHD husband...but his anger rants are so hard to deal with.

I have been married for 12 yrs and we have 4 young children. I love my husband, but nothing has come easy. We are both headstrong people. He is a recovering alcoholic. He has been sober for 12 yrs. every  week he has 2 days where he is in a bad mood and lashes out at me. It is usually something I have done or said that has upset him...but it takes him so long to get out of his funk. He was diagnosed with ADHD 3 yrs ago. He is on straterrra and doesn't want to take harder meds bec of being an alcoholic. His drug of choice was pot, nothing hardcore.  I don't know how to deal with this. The smallest irritation can set him off and it can go on for hours. I almost feel like he needs a temper tantrum for a few hrs and then he snaps out of it. He is like jeckle and mr. Hide....one minute laughing and funny and then moments later sniping me with a sharp tongue and wanting to get in a fight. It is now affecting my 10 yr old son. He will ask us to stop fighting, and I will try to walk away or get quiet but he keeps bantering and muttering stuff. I feel heartsick. I can't talk to anyone bec I dont want family or friends to not like him. He is a wonderful man with a lot of good traits, but when he is angry he does not back down. He is not physical with me, but his anger can be alarming...especially bec it is usually over little things. For yrs I thought his anger came from being a recovering alcoholic...until I found this website. He does not go to counseling. He has for a short period, but would often throw in my face things the councilor would say about me. He often apologizes for his behavior, the next day, but I don't think he realizes what his anger and mood swings are doing  to our family.

I understand where you are

I understand where you are coming from. My DH (who has ADHD) can have major angry outbursts. He used to threaten to break things, but after it came up in counseling, he began making a concerted effort to stop that. Now his poison is to blow up and make threats about hurting or killing people. He's never threatened me in that way, but it's still a huge concern to me. He doesn't have bad days but when he is having a bad day I do have to be careful not to be negative or picky.

Have you ever asked him to not pick on you? It's very important to draw boundaries in an ADHD relationship. This might be one of them. I'm hoping to establish better boundaries when it comes to DH's anger.

 

Hang in there.

The Outbursts...

My adhd husband did not stop having the outbursts until an antidepressant (Zoloft) was added to the mix.

I'm not saying it's liveable now, but before it was certainly worse.

He would throw things n stuff.