I am coming to terms with the fact that my husband in all likelihood has ADHD. While we do not have an official diagnosis, 80% of the indicators are there. In addition, his son is clearly ADHD and it isn't a huge stretch to figure out where he got it from. In general I would say our marriage is good and through some gift from above, he has been able to develop coping and masking strategies that allow him to be socially and financially competent - most of the time. We've had many setbacks and I am struggling with our current one. We've had a rough month and when I take a step back I see that it began the week he started his new "dream" job. I know he's feeling stress to perform in this new job; he wants to make a good impression and be successful. He sets pretty high expectations for himself, and has some self-esteem issues, so the net result is this huge, pent up mass of stress that he eventually diffuses all over me. I've trained myself to remain as objective as possible but it is soooo difficult. When I open the topic for discussion, maybe a day or two later when we are both in a good mood, he has so warped the confrontation it's as though he wasn't even a part of it. And EVERYTHING, absolutely everything is my fault. Every sentence out of his mouth begins with You; you did this, you said that, you won't even... etc. etc. I don't become defensive as I've learned that only escalates things. I just listen and try to redirect the conversation, but he REFUSES to assume ANY responsibility for his role in the blowup. I've been to counseling to learn how to deal with it, but quite frankly when I try to implement what I've learned it just pisses him off more. "Honey, I get that you're really upset right now. Tell you what, I'm going into the other room, and when you feel you are ready to talk about this I'll come back out and we can figure out what to do". Oh, that so does not work. He needs to spew, and me putting space between us just adds to his frustration. It's the weirdest thing too - after he blows up he becomes practically catatonic - head in hands, immobile for half an hour. I imagine on some level it is very very painful for him. Of course this is screaming "We need counseling!". He refuses. In his warped perspective, it's all my fault. Everything he is feeling is somehow my fault. I have never encountered a person so incapable of personal insight, or so uninterested in gaining personal insight. So I'm really feeling stuck; I love my husband, but I love myself too and I don't want to spend the next twenty years of my life being the target for his anger, frustration, stress, etc. If he won't get help, what am I to do?