My husband is 43, almost 44 and recently learned that he T is low. Is this part of his issue and will medication react with Adderall?
Before we were married (we have been married for 2 years), we had great sex. He made me feel so special with compliments, attention and his time. He bragged to friends and co-workers about how pretty he thought I was and how proud he was to have me as his future wife. But, things started to change even before we were married right when I moved from my state to his to 6 months before our wedding. He had stopped all compliments. He engaged in inappropriate and sexual flirtation and would do so right in front of me and in front of his buddies (also when I was present) and kept the flirtations going on facebook both in private and public messages. He refused to set boundaries with all the women he flirted with at work and even laughed if they said disrespectful things about me. And of course the sex slowed way down. I spoke up about his behavior and the waning attention, but nothing improved. We got married and on our wedding day he never once said I looked beautiful or anything like that. But he had told me several times about how his ex-wife had taken his breath away on their wedding day and detailed her beauty, right down to how sexy her lingerie was on her perfect and tan body. But for me, not one word. And, out honeymoon night, he rushed thru sex and passed out and refused any the next day.
His behavior with other woman didn’t stop. About 3 months into this marriage, with a monster I swear I didn’t know, I asked him why he never wanted to have sex anymore. Why he always had an excuse? He told me he gets to flirt with beautiful women all day long at work and that’s enough to keep him satisfied. Well, that hurt like hell and I cried and he could care less. I spent another month trying to get his attention back. He had never once asked me for sex in 4 months. After 4 months I told him I would never ask again. And I’ve only asked 2 times from that day over a year ago. Needless to say, we don’t have sex often. While I’d be happy with every day or at least 5 days, he’s fine with once a week. Total opposites and it’s created a huge issue in our marriage. It’s not the physical act so much; it’s the intimacy that I really miss. Apparently he doesn’t miss any of it.
Now, his excuse is that it must have been the low T that made him behave the way he was and why he has no interest in sex (with me anyway). He goes to his Dr on Friday to find out about T therapy. Does anyone know if low T can make you behave like a narcissistic ass? I know it changes sex drive, so I can accept that. Also, he had a huge anger management (low tolerance to stress) in the past and has actually tried to control his explosive outburst, which has been nice. Will T therapy bring that back? How will that react with Adderall? I’ve hear Adderall can make you aggressive will the 2 create a monster?
Possibly related with ADHD, possibly dangerous and not the cause
Submitted by Álvaro Contreras on
Hi Kansasry! I'm sad to hear about your story... I'm 26 years old, with ADHD Inattentive and I have a beautiful girlfriend whom I would hate to see cry because of my libido issues. First of all, it's important to know if your husband is Hyperactive/Impulsive or Inattentive. The T hormone levels in both subtypes, and the libido nature, seem to be the exact opossite (Inattentive being the low T side) in regards to what people say.
There has been a wide recent attention to the connection between ADHD and Testosterone (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=68046 for example), which has not been well studied by neuroscientists, leading to a narrow knowledge of this particular subject. But many of the people with ADHD-like symptoms have discovered that their T levels were too low (Inattentive). The disbalance of T hormone may be responsable for many of the symptoms as lethargy, low motivation, libido and anxiety in these people, including me. That is a sad thing to know, being that the gene variation responsible for novelty-seeking and cheating (DRD4 double-repeat allele involved with dopamine levels) is predominant in ADHD Inattentive.
So? Yes, it is highly possible that low Testosterone may be linked to ADHD-PI. And the fact that your husband has it is certainly not good.
The good news are that he's gonna start doing a T therapy (did he started doing it?) but be careful about the side effects in time. It is normal that the naturally sinthetized Testosterone in the gonads decreases in time because you're adding external T to the body. Ciclying the application of the hormone may work. There are healthy ways to increase T (like exercise, zinc, easing anxiety, and more). Besides, Adderall increases dopamine release in the prefrontal cortex, and this compensates for the need of additional stimulation created by the DRD4 gene variation. Be aware of the fact that stimulant medication may get less effective in time (some say 2-3 years) due to desensitization of the dopamine receptors, so it's better to find a natural alternative (herbs and behavioral therapy).
But MORE importantly, the self-control must come from him. His genetics will not change (in one year), but his respect towards you must exist as your couple. I mean, he certainly can remember the times when you were close, even if vaguely. There are many ways to learn self-control (mindfulness meditation) and increase oxytocin (gratitude training) in the brain which makes one more loyal and compassionate. Besides, when you have ADHD and memory problems, it is very important to keep consciously remembering the beautiful moments with your couple to remain attached. He can learn all of this if he wants to, and it could change all aspects of his life. The problem is, most people with ADHD don't know why they are detached,impulsive, care-free and unloyal in nature. See Russell Barkley lectures if you want to learn more about ADHD in the best way possible.
I honestly think that Adderall + Testosterone is a potentially dangerous combination because the effects may add to each other, and it's better to try in separate. If you want to read the studies that I "cited" above, you can ask me and I'll send you the keywords.
I hope that your story comes to a happy ending :)
I hate that my H takes both....
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
I hate that my H takes both Testim (for low T) and Adderall. I think it has made him more aggressive and nasty.
I know it's changed him physically because he used to have very little hair on his chest...just a small patch...and it was that way for over 20 years....but with Testim for the last 5+ years, he now has a lot of hair on his chest. So, I know it "changes" things.
I wish he didn't take it. He's already aggressive, and I think this just makes things worse.
Experts say that men get "less aggressive as they age, but with Testim it prevents that natural slow-down of aggressive nasty behavior.
My thoughts
Submitted by AusADHD on
Hi Kansasary,
I know the OP was some 5 years ago, and I hope your husband has seen the light.
Whilst some of the things you've described I would contribute to your husbands ADHD (from a personal and non-academic perspective), the hurtful things he has said to you definitely are not and are not excusable.
Firstly, my perspective relates to my personal experience and all insight should be considered opinionated based solely on the information provided.
That said, here we go.
The human condition is wired to be attracted to what one perceives as 'shiny attractive things'.
Once the novelty wears off, one sees that their idealistic perspective and what they envisioned was never realistic. As the saying goes, 'the grass is always greener on the other side'.
From what you've described, your husband has become complacent and no longer perceives you the way he did when you first got together.
But in all fairness, does anybody? It's called the honeymoon period for a reason.
That is no reason to belittle you and say the things you've stated relating to other women. By doing so, and wording it the way you have described, he has not considered what he has said, and how he has phrased his response will affect you.
Also, being in his early 40's at the time, he could possibly have been going through a midlife-crisis. Coming to terms of getting older, not achieving his expectations and all the other fun stuff that comes with it.
Regarding intimacy, I note that you have discerned the difference between intimacy and the act of sex.
Having low testosterone definitely will affect his sex drive with possible ED. Stimulant medication, although there isn't much scientific studies published (from what I can find), can definitely lower testosterone levels further.
The ED and midlife-crisis can contribute to depression levels which in turn leads to lower testosterone. Note the cyclic symptomatology here.
Compassion, non-sexual intimacy and emotional connection isn't related highly (if at all) to testosterone levels from what I can see.
Firstly, I recommend that he get his testosterone levels checked. ED can be potentially mitigated with Viagra and other NO2 meds.
Secondly, I would recommend going to couples counseling with a psychologist who specialises in ADHD psychology.
I also think your husband needs to sort himself out and seek some one-on-one psychological (CBT training) and psychiatric (brain chemical) professional consultation. He needs to be interested in better understanding himself and the ADHD condition.
I do empathise with your struggles and know that you're not alone in both the circumstances you find yourself in (non-neurotypical or neurotypical)