I have been married for 15 years to an ADD husband. He is medicated, we have been in counseling, not currently, but the counselor is kind of on "stand by"--we see her as needed. Most of the time we do okay, but man the lying thing--WHAT IS THAT?!?! Our whole married life, hubby lies about small stupid things. He has always been terrible with money to the point that I took him off our accounts because he overdrew then, gave the debit card to a friend, etc., so he has his own account with a small amount of spending/gas money in it. Guess what? He overdrew that and there is no savings account attached to it to protect that overdrawn amount. He got that letter about a month ago and has done nothing about it. So along with him being bad with money, I typically give him money for gas each week and whatever else he might need. For example, he plays softball on Saturdays and if the guys on the team are going for lunch or a beer after, I'll give him 20 bucks so he can go. Well, last night I go to put some laundry away in his top drawer and lo and behold there are $400 worth of Visa gift cards in there with various balances written on them. I assume they are gifts from suppliers at his job (that's not uncommon--he gets a ton at Christmas). Two were for $100 and one was for $200. The smaller ones had balances written on them of 30 or 40 bucks, the larger one still had a balance of $120. WHAT???? Why in the world am I giving him money for gas, etc., when he's walking around with $400??? He didn't tell me he had them and my guess is he is just pissing them away on small stupid stuff. That bothers me a great deal. I don't think he should hand them over to me, but how about saying I got these cards, that should take care of my gas for a while. Also, he will need some new clothes for work in the fall and he would like a new iPod--$400 would go a long way to paying for those things. Did I mention that he had three hospital stays and a major surgery in February that we are still paying on??? Or that our youngest son needs a surgery later this summer? Or that our youngest also just had $3000 worth of testing that told us he too has ADHD and ODD, possibly Asperger's??? What is my husband doing with that money????? Why am I continuing to give him money when he has way more than I run around with on any given day??? Where has the rest of that money gone? We have been down this road so many times I can't even tell you. He lies about money without a thought. I realize it sounds like he is pretty hen pecked that I hand out his "allowance" but what am I supposed to do when he is so careless with our money? He will think I was snooping if I bring this up. What do I do? We were doing pretty well, which always makes me nervous. I start to wonder what's going on.
dana in chicago