Lying, Crisis and Grief

Hello All,

I've posted on here before and honestly I cannot believe I am still married. My husband is a chronic liar, and his lies are very dangerous and usually involve finances and inability to get organized. The lies since our children were born 6.5 years ago have included saying a car was stolen when he pocketed the money for it and never bought it, forging my signature to pay rent when he was supposed to, letting his license expire and continuing to drive uninsured for a year, and just a constant lying about how much money he has and leaving me often to clean up his many financial messes which include not paying bills and mortgage. And his driving without a license that I owned meant I was summoned to court.

I had an emotional affair a year ago and he took my phone and read all the messages. It was with an ex who is also married with kids and I guess I was desperate for some attention and kindness. Once my ex found out what my husband did he cut me off. So that is long over. And I miss it.

My father and my husband's father died within a month of each other this year. Both unexpected and I and my kids were very close to my dad. And the lying from my husband has not stopped. He does not have a stable job. Hasn't had one since the kids were born. He is finally on ADD meds and says always he's 'trying' and he wants it to be 'better'.

I've stood by my husband I've tried to get him help. I've applied to jobs for him. Called contacts on his behalf. I paid for our house and car. I pay for everything for our two children. 

And I am just beyond overwhelmed, frustrated and angry. I realize when my dad was alive I depended on him as a safety net to help me deal with my husband and now I'm on my own, and my mother who has Parkinson hasn't been a strong figure in our lives for years. I am so lonely and defeated and my mental health is suffering. That emotional affair showed me maybe there is hope. Maybe someone else could love me and I don't need to live in this hell anymore? My husband does every dirty trick in the book to deflect when he does things wrong. Blames my anger says I eroded his self confidence. I literally have zero attraction to him at this point and cannot imagine ever wanting intimacy with him again. 

I can't kick him out because I am a working mom and I need both his paltry income and the child care. How do people get out? How do you feel whole again after all the drama and awfulness?