I don't know why in the world I thought that just because he lies to his customers about why he's not on time, and to his kids/family, that he would NOT lie to me... but is that part of this whole thing? Or is it something else?
I feel like I should have seen this stuff coming, that my radar is way defective, or maybe *I* am just too defective (NOT pleasant to see that he's been "fishing" for other women). Yeah, it may be a symptom of his impulsivity, but really, the stupid lies he told about it - a child could see through them. I'm pretty sure that if I'd accepted any of his lies he sure wouldn't be falling all over himself to apologize - and the situation would have continued.
I know one thing - my trust was misplaced. I'm 56; I should know better. *I* have to take care of *me* better than that.
Asked to talk to him; he said he is "too embarrassed". He keeps apologizing. I can't say "that's okay". I can't say "I forgive you". I just can't.
forgiveness
Submitted by Standing on
My H has lied over and over
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
My H has lied over and over again about everything and I can see right through them. I even told him once to tell me the truth rather than make up all these stories about why he wasn't going into work. You know what he told me? He said that that was his comfort zone! Nothing like hearing your H's comfort zone is lying!
Lying
Submitted by ladyflower10 on
Like so many other things, it can be part of the ADHD, but also could be his personality. My husband (non ADHD) tells little white lies all the time. Stupid things really, like telling me he paid less for something (when a few bucks really makes no difference to me), why he is running late from work (saying traffic vs. the real reason that he was BS'ing with a buddy), etc.
My husband used to accuse me of lying all the time before I was diagnosed with ADHD. Over the years he has realized that I'm not lying *on purpose.* My memory is a horrible thing and details are my worst enemy sometimes. When I can't remember something I have had to rely on "filling in the blanks." But, this also was a result of my husband not being able to accept my responses of "I don't know" or "I can't remember." Now that he is trying to be more understanding of my ADD, he does accept those answers because he knows I'm telling the truth.
If his lies are mainly about time management/running late than the lies seem like a defense mechanism. With ADHD it's easy to get distracted and lose track of time. He probably is embarrassed to admit his faults. (That part would be a man thing!) My husband knows when I go grocery shopping I'll be gone for hours. I don't make excuses anymore! That's one thing he's finally stopped fighting me on. He just expects me to take hours so he allows for the extra time now.