I have lost 75+ pounds, to date, since October 2008. I have been in a loosing battle of the bulge most of my life. I was in the first year of a new job, and stress levels were building up in me, so I went to my GP and he put me on an anti-depressant. The Zoloft seemed to help for a month or so, then I was not really sure. I began loosing weight, because of stress mostly, and then anxiety began to follow. In April of 2009 I was sent to a Psychiatrist and the ADHD was diagnosed. At this point I had lost around 40 pounds. The Adderall helped immediately with my symptoms, and my journey into this newfound knowledge began.
My wife and I have both had the common thread of weight struggles... Now I apparantly do not have weight control issues.
Key conflict:
1. My wife wants me to admit the Adderall (She calls it "Speed" during these debates) is responsible. Black or White, 1 or 0... I know I can rationalize anything, and I also feel like "Speed" is meant to knock me down, and ADHD is my latest hyper-focus which is cured by a "Magic Pill".
2. I understand that one of the side effects IS appetite loss. I also think that maybe I feel better and I am not self medicating with food. When I feel full I stop eating. Since July of 2009 I starting a walking regiment that I found makes me feel really good afterwards. Walking is now a twice daily routine and totals 20 - 25 miles per week. My wife often joins me for the evening walk, which seems to curb my appetite. There are many nights that I drink 64 ounces of water and 4 or 5 handfuls of peanuts. Sometimes a Lean Pocket or small dinner.
3. I feel my weight loss is contributed to many things, some being a little will power.
I have caused many problems in our relationship, one being a "Real Difficult" time admitting being wrong about something. We have gone through alot in the last year. I understand that her listening to people ask me how I've lost weight over and over get's old, and people do not know what I have put her through in our marriage.
I don't want to prove myself right and her wrong, I just feel that this issue not so "Black and White" as I feel she wants me to admit.
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Well, you asked....
Submitted by Sueann on
It often seems unfair to the non-ADD spouse that there is treatment for ADD but it doesn't help THEM.
My husband has ADD and depression (my guess is you do too, since you were being treated with anti-depressants). I resent the HELL out of it. He gets treatment, he's happy as a clam. He thinks his life is perfect because he's taking meds.
But for what I need from a husband, being financially supported and getting help around the house, it makes everything WORSE! It is so expensive it uses up all our money, to the point that we can't fix my car that's broken, or pay our bills. It seems like he gets a happiness pill and he doesn't care about anything to do with me. It doesn't make him help more around the house, it doesn't make him remember where he left my GPS, etc.
My husband lost a lot of weight after he started treatment and he was not overweight. He actually had a lot of medical tests we could not afford (and still owe for) to find out if something was wrong because he was so thin.
I often wish there was a pill for the non-ADD spouse, so they wouldn't care so much about being ignored, left with all the scutwork, etc. But there isn't.
So to your wife, who doesn't have ADD, I assume, it feels like you get a pill that makes you happier, speeds up your metaboism and reduces your appetite. Gosh, where can I get that?! Well, I can't, because I don't have ADD.
IF you use the meds to learn better eating habits, control compulsive eating, exercise more, etc. you are benefiting yourself. You shouldn't expect your wife to praise you for it. You might try to use that new energy to also work on doing things that will benefit your wife, like help with household tasks, etc. IF she's losing weight, praise her lavishly because she's doing it without appetite suppressants and that's a lot harder. BTW, it's much easier for men to lose weight than women anyway, even without meds.
Congratulations on the weight loss and discovering you have ADD. It sounds like you are doing everything rigtht.
Well, I asked...
Submitted by YYZ on
Thanks for your post. The ADHD was quite a shock to both of us since I was in my early 40's when I found out. I think resentment is a major issue with this, because we have been searching for the "Magic Weight Pill" our entire lives. I understand the feelings, I definitely have always praised her efforts, especially lately. We know about the Men/Woman metabolism differences. I supported the gym subscription, weight loss doctors and pill or diet she wanted to try. It is not fair and I try not to bring up the subject, with regards to the "Yay Me". Since the diagnosis I am off the anti-depressants. What you said is exactly right... I stumbled across this condition that has a high success rate with medication that does not make you gain weight. My wife still is left dealing with me and does not have a pill that makes things better without negative side effects. I have had stable employment, so has she, we have worked through financial problems, we do household chores as equals (as close as possible), we both have our strengths and weakness. I probably beat her down with all the ADD stuff, after my awareness, as I did with anything else regarding me before. That being said, I don't know how much she really feels ADHD is legitimate, which is hard for me. Most people, including me prior to diagnosis and education on the subject, seem to think it is one of those Joke/Excuse for bad behavior conditions. I know I have a bunch of make-up work to do and I keep reading and trying my best. Filling the "Empty Spouse Bucket" so to speak. It kills me that people our age, including friends we have known for years, are suddenly falling out of love and splitting up right before our eyes, which leads to insecure speculations on both our parts. So many of my distinguished male representatives of the species, set the standards for changing wives at mid-life. I am not one of them. Our differences have made us pretty good together, and nobody else would have put up with either of us, we joke together about this fact... The changes I feel, since medication, are astounding. I now have to correct so many things, and learn how to process all the things/feelings/needs of my wife that I never saw before. I hope we survive this test.
Thank you again for your post. I really appreciate it...
My response may have been a little too bitter
Submitted by Sueann on
I am handicapped. The idea of walking makes me cringe. Ouch!
My husband was diagnosed in his mid-40s like you. We were newlyweds and he decided that working was for other people (me!), not him. He still has no comprehension that other men actually do housework and financially support their wives.
So maybe those things aren't true for you. I did not mean to be unkind. But I am caught in a trap. I gave up a secure invome to marry him and he has no interest in replacing that income. He seems not to care that my car is dangeerous to drive and there is no money to fix it. He seems not to care that it is very hard for me, with my mobility problems, to keep the house up by myself. Talk about an empty love bucket!
I don't know what the answer is but I shouldn't dump on you. Keep up the good work!
Don't worry about it
Submitted by YYZ on
It is never 50/50, but I definately try. I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. My wife definately gives me credit for my help in the household and tells me often how little some of her friends husbands do around the house. We may disagree on priority or how to do a task, but we get most important things done. I am probably the more organized of the two of us in many ways. I organize because I know how bad it will be if I am not organized. Time management is something I struggle with, now more than ever, because now I see all the things that need to be done and know there is NO Way to get to everything... I talk way too much, as well... I am trying to do better and being more focused helps. There definately is no normal and I will keep trying... Thanks for your kind words and I wish you all the best.
good job
Submitted by metooo on
Congratualtions for your weight loss and all the work you've been doing on yourself! I hope you see more and more success.
Weight gain is a symptom of stress, etc., etc...
Submitted by sapphyre on
I am reading a new book from Women To Women practitioner Marcelle Pick (The Core Balance Diet). The premise is based on research over the last 50 years that women (and probably men :P) put on weight to 'protect' us from stress. Because, for the longest time, one of our biggest stresses was food shortages.
The solution is to take a path to complete physical, mental, emotional health (which you have obviously been doing... and yes, the stimulants reduce your appetite, my son has that issue). I was already on the way to doing this, yay on the right track, I hope.
I hope it is the answer. I will keep you posted on my progress... I haven't changed anything because of the book yet, but I've moved office and have to walk 15 - 20 minutes each way from the train station, making it much easier to get my 10000 steps in :)
Weight gain is a symptom of stress, etc., etc...
Submitted by YYZ on
Thanks for the post... My wife is working really hard on her weight issue. She is a beautiful woman, but does not take compliments from me very well. I try to always support her efforts and I usually never worked as hard as she does on the battle of the bulge, so now that it seems that I don't even have to try and the pounds are coming off steadily. I know it seems unfair to her that my conditions have all seemingly been explained by the all-in-one ADHD diagnosis. There seems to be a pill which helps all symptoms AND has weight loss as a side effect. I understand that everyone has issues, and she is in this group, she feels that I get the easy way out and she is left to resolve her issues. She wants me to admit that Adderall is solely reponsible for my weight loss, I will acknowlege that it has effected my appetite, but I say my brain chemicals are more balanced now and sense I feel better, Maybe I don't self medicate with food. Also I walk 25+ miles a week, because that helps decrease my appetite. If I take a 1/2 final dose of Adderall at 2:00pm, I don't think it has much effect on my hunger at 8:00pm... Maybe I'm wrong... We can hardly have a meal together without this coming up, what a mood killer. There is no way to gracefully transition into another topic that does not sound trite. I will contact my doctor and get an answer to this issue. Really a stupid thing to dig our heals in for... If I am wrong I will gladly say it is so, but I think my weight loss is due to a combination of things. I feel better, I see things better (Less oblivious to Everything), I have more energy, I am less angry, I am more efficient, and so on... I am embracing what I have learned/learning and trying to improve. When I read so many of these posts, I realize this topic is pretty weak when compared to others misery. Good luck with your path to improved heath.
Dealing with it
Submitted by Miss Behaven on
When I started Adderall back in college I lost lots of weight as well. It does have something to do with a side effect of the medication but also had a lot to do with how well I felt and how I wasn’t self medicating with food.
My best friend was very jealous of my weight loss and made a big deal out of it. I don’t know why but she was like your wife, fixating on the meds as the source of my weight loss. As if it even mattered why I was losing weight! Its funny but often the nonADDers in your life will pressure you to treat your ADD and then become angry and resentful of the new and improved you!
Anyways one day I finally was fed up and told her that the medication did have a lot to do with it but not all. That I wasn’t going to lie to her to make her feel better about herself. Attacking me because I was losing weight also wasn’t going to make her feel better about herself. I said I was done with the subject and I didn’t want it to come up again. I more or less worked with my friend. I don’t know who well it will work with your wife.
Best of luck!