Since my husband being diagnosed ADHD--innattentive type several weeks ago, and with couples counseling, medication, a new smartphone, and very helpful Hallowell books, my husband and I have made much progress in reconnecting. It's not perfect but much, much better. Fortunately, my husband is committed to learn how to negotiate life with ADD and to improve our relationship. Since beginning this process, I have done a lot of reflection on my behaviors and feelings and try to act as an observer of myself in the relationship. These observations are helping me to be more effective as the partner I want to be.
The thing is, I feel so needy for his attention! I think I was neglected for so long that I have PTSD. My husband is working hard at turning toward me as a mate, but let's face it, he still has ADD and he forgets. Or on his way to spend time with me, he happens by a magazine and ends up reading it cover to cover standing at his workbench while I finally turn my light off and go to sleep. The attention I (and the marriage) get is mostly because I remind him that I/we need it. I really, really don't want to pester him to spend time with me.
Anyway, this is only one way in which I feel I have PTSD from 38 years with him and undiagnosed ADD. While on the road to a more effective life/marriage with ADD, how have the rest of you coped with the trauma of the past so that you can move forward?