Hi. First posting. Married 27 years. For the longest, thought it was behaviors resulting from addictive personality ( recovery/alcoholism 30+years). But I got knocked in the head in marital counseling 10 years ago when we were told (didn't you know he has ADHD?). Dang. Should've known better. But no real big change, other than me letting him "think out loud", me "letting go" of expectations, me taking care of myself, me creating a separate bank account for my business and emergency fund, me stepping back and not rescuing when natural consequences come, and me not trying to excuse his behavior to others.
.....Wait I said no big change, right? WRONG!. I need to be thankful for the results of all the stress and labor on my part (the halo gets heavy!!!!) Because: I am now laughing more. I say "no" more. I'm learning how to have fun and not be so serious. And I'm slowly learning compassion for my partner. Who, by the way, is taking medicine. Told me the other day he will never go into another business scheme, ever. Is working through paying off over 70k in business debt without asking me for anything. Who lost 40 lbs and trying to get off Nicotine. Who sometimes thanks me for paying for most of the other bills. We laugh together more and we're starting to dream again (more rational dreams this time)
However, I am utterly exhausted. The years have taken its toll. And when you throw in aging parents with caregiving issues and other family members not understanding "why won't he call" "he should have time", now I'm having to say a firm no when people want me to be a "stand in" for his responsibilities. And it's very hard when I take time off for me or a business decision to have a life rather than being a slave to work, (so we struggle financially--remember I pay most of the bills) to be told "You chose that" ....
Tips on staying motivated?