Where to begin?!
In 2017 my husband and I started to become distant and arguing a lot after our 3rd child was born. We never really argued at all in our 11 years together. I suspected an affair and tried my best to fulfill the duties of a wife. I got the courage to ask him in December 2018 about this particular woman. He said no, even telling me he didn't know how much longer he could stand me being upset over it. If she was around though, he would ignore me if she was in viewing distance (examples: one time at our sons baseball game where mutual looks were shared by her as well, another time when we were talking and he stopped the conversation completely stared at her for several minutes until she drove off watching her vehicle the entire way, which he blamed a panic attack on this particular time). He got to the point where he would look for the vehicle similar to hers when we were even out of town on vacation!
Fast-forward to April 2019 the truth all came spilling out. My husband was hiding that he had been watching porn for the last 3 years, was sneaking extreme amounts of alcohol with the goal of getting plastered every night (he's always been able to function normally when drunk, so I never suspected he was drunk) and admitted to being obsessed with the woman I accused him of being with for the last 2 years. He admitted to pleasuring himself with the thought of her when she would get stuck in his head from me bringing her up or seeing her around town. He swears there was nothing ever though, no contact or anything. He swears he would never cheat on me ever, which i do believe. He has a tendency to stare at women, especially butts for really long periods of times making it uncomfortable and degrading. I know that my husband is under a lot of pressure with owning his own business and having 3 kids and all that comes it all.
We went to counseling and he was diagnosed with ADHD. He quit drinking and puts his best efforts forward every day to save our marriage. I'm so hurt and confused that some days I just want out. He recently told me that he is just attracted to all women. If they have a pretty face, or nice butt, or something along those lines he is simply attracted to them, but he always tries to reassure me with the fact that he loves me and no one else and that's all that should matter.
For me, that just isn't enough and I know I may be overreacting for now because I am so hurt after this long of untruths. We have 3 kids together. I really feel like he is my soulmate, but I cannot go out in public with him, knowing he will be distracted if there is even the slightest chance of an attractive woman around. He is willing to do anything to save us, but I find myself super hurt and untrusting now. I feel very drepressed knowing he may fall back into this pattern or that there is nothing we can do as far as him always desiring all these women around us.
I would really appreciate any advice at this point. I don't know how to get passed all of this in order to build our relationship and I know it's now starting to affect my kids.