marriage at an end???

I am not sure??? but I think that it is best that hubby and myself take a separation,things have been really tough with him ,and there is no improvement that is stable,it is a roller coater ride every 2 weeks,something new always keep popping up or the same old things.He has not filter for his mouth,he just blurts out whatever comes to mind and that is hurting me to the core.

He has no generosity in him,and good intentions,only wicked cruel,manipulative,evil intentions.I am seeing where our marriage will last at all,or where it has a chance.He constantly tells me bad things about my kids,and well,that just rips my heart to pieces.I have suffered alone raising my kids working full time,all the time to make sure they have shelter ,food,clothes and a comfortable environment,he is just a spoil rotten rich boy from the north trying to hamper my peace and sanity.He lived a very high rich partying,chartering,women women women,whores,and boos kind of life style,while I lived in my little haven,with my 2 precious kids doing all the good things and sticking out my end.

He had it made,and not hitting rock bottom for him is almost like dying.He wants money,cars,riches,women,a lifestyle that i am not accustom too.I am happy to be alive and healthy,but he wants it all.He has done all the wrong things possible in the world to me and I am soo sad sometimes to have come this far and still no proper settled life for me and my kids.I married him b/c he was so promising at the time,and just a few months down he started to break all promises.I can't understand yet what I did for him to be this way,and after reading and blogging I know it's his brain that is dysfunctional.

Divorce is upsetting my insides.I feel dead and Nom on the insides,I don't want to be separated form the person I love,but the question is,does he love me the same way?? I have to wonder sometimes and I really don't know what to think anymore.I have done tooo much to save this marriage,and I think that it was me all along that was holding us together,I realize that just today that it was me initiating the make up break up shots.He would just stay in his apartment and wait for me to make the first move in calling,or texting and he won't make the effort to apologies or be remorseful for the things he have put me through,I have been remorseful for the both of us.

i think he has this fantasy of some kind of a woman and it's not me.He was happy at first,but when the reality kicks in ,he realizes he wants more and more.I can't give him his expectations.

he wants me to leave kids and leave business work,and work for his boss,and then what!! that still will not be the solution,apparently he is always searching and searching for things that a not real,and only in his head.I can't live like this any more.

last night he told me that I only sleep at his apartment 8 nights a month and that he can't take that no more,I told well I can't live with you until you get help for mood swings and anger also ADHD.

I lay out my cards on the table and he was trying to bring up other past stuff to turn all the bad things around on me.he came by me this morning looked at me and drove off,low tolerance behavior.

I understand more now about ADHD but this is very difficult,I give my 2 thumbs up for those of you who lasted in long term un medicated relationships with their ADHD spouses,you guys have a lot nerve.I respect that.

But I can't do it,I don't have it in me.

love hurts.

initiates a break up.

He initiates the break up today,just now on the phone,then he said he needs a break,then he said call the travel agency,WHAT!!!! I think he won't stop hurting me till he gets his way,he is taking me for a fool.maybe I am?


no breakup yet...

He still does not know what he wants,I am either just someone he is passing his time with,or he just is so mad that he cannot even control his own wants and needs...either which way it is very stressful for me,,,it has me very very very unstable like him....I am not safe....I am not stable.... just like him....


Let him go and know that he

Let him go and know that he will come around again with his charming ways later.  Don't let yourself lose your own integrity or let him make you and your kids crazy. Be strong.  Know that you WILL be able to fill in the holes of emptiness that you WILL feel for a while.  It will be  tough.  Walk through the pain and get to the other side for your sanity and well being.  Imagine living like this for the rest of your life.  I am depressed and unhappy with myself for using my talents and energy devoting my life to supporting my DH, putting up with his lack, his problems I thought I could help him with but can't because he won't partner with me, his desires and his comfort.  Then, he not remembering or appreciating anything I did.  There is "now" and there is "not now". That is all my DH had room in his mind to cope with.  He doesn't take into consideration 10 years ago, 20 years ago or even last week. With him, there is only the present moment and the impulse he has to make the decisions for it now. Last week doesn't matter.  The future is too daunting to plan for. We are at retirement and there has been no retirement plan from him.  He spent all his money and has debt.  Do you want this for yourself?  Your DH sounds similar.  Don't give YOUR life away. Especially to someone who sounds like he is not in total commitment to the relationship or well-being of the family.

jennalemon,the thing is.

The thing is he is very jealous of me,and that's where most of our fights stem from,he feels intimidated by my youth and my independence,it is something I have been suffering ever since I have known him,or married to him.I hold down a steady job,house,money and kids, it is hard for him to reach my level and even if he do it won't last,he always hits rock bottom,he has hit them 5 times before I met him,he has great fears of losing money.He has this huge bank account now and still he would never buy things that is(most) important,but the things to support his bad habits he would buy them like i.g:he would buy marijuana and porn,that is his compulsive way of spending,his cable bill came $$$1,OOO.OO for the month of April,the highest I have ever seen it before.When it should be only $200. I am not mad at these little things,but they are big,really in a relationship,but I am trying not to let them get the best of me. I have grown accustom to his bad habits,it's the lies that comes along them that interferes with us having a normal relationship.

The jealousy and anger is becoming our biggest problem,once he acts to seek help for those,our marriage would be 100% better,but then again we are talking ADHD and the train of disorders along side them,ADHD with depression,ADHD with anxiety,etc,etc.UI have come along way in my life of child abuse and trauma to be going through this still as a big woman now,it's high time I am settled and stabled in my life,but I am not seeing that at all with DH.

sad to say,I am in a suffering relationship,maybe If I cry out to god more often he would seek to help me.