I am not sure??? but I think that it is best that hubby and myself take a separation,things have been really tough with him ,and there is no improvement that is stable,it is a roller coater ride every 2 weeks,something new always keep popping up or the same old things.He has not filter for his mouth,he just blurts out whatever comes to mind and that is hurting me to the core.
He has no generosity in him,and good intentions,only wicked cruel,manipulative,evil intentions.I am seeing where our marriage will last at all,or where it has a chance.He constantly tells me bad things about my kids,and well,that just rips my heart to pieces.I have suffered alone raising my kids working full time,all the time to make sure they have shelter ,food,clothes and a comfortable environment,he is just a spoil rotten rich boy from the north trying to hamper my peace and sanity.He lived a very high rich partying,chartering,women women women,whores,and boos kind of life style,while I lived in my little haven,with my 2 precious kids doing all the good things and sticking out my end.
He had it made,and not hitting rock bottom for him is almost like dying.He wants money,cars,riches,women,a lifestyle that i am not accustom too.I am happy to be alive and healthy,but he wants it all.He has done all the wrong things possible in the world to me and I am soo sad sometimes to have come this far and still no proper settled life for me and my kids.I married him b/c he was so promising at the time,and just a few months down he started to break all promises.I can't understand yet what I did for him to be this way,and after reading and blogging I know it's his brain that is dysfunctional.
Divorce is upsetting my insides.I feel dead and Nom on the insides,I don't want to be separated form the person I love,but the question is,does he love me the same way?? I have to wonder sometimes and I really don't know what to think anymore.I have done tooo much to save this marriage,and I think that it was me all along that was holding us together,I realize that just today that it was me initiating the make up break up shots.He would just stay in his apartment and wait for me to make the first move in calling,or texting and he won't make the effort to apologies or be remorseful for the things he have put me through,I have been remorseful for the both of us.
i think he has this fantasy of some kind of a woman and it's not me.He was happy at first,but when the reality kicks in ,he realizes he wants more and more.I can't give him his expectations.
he wants me to leave kids and leave business work,and work for his boss,and then what!! that still will not be the solution,apparently he is always searching and searching for things that a not real,and only in his head.I can't live like this any more.
last night he told me that I only sleep at his apartment 8 nights a month and that he can't take that no more,I told well I can't live with you until you get help for mood swings and anger also ADHD.
I lay out my cards on the table and he was trying to bring up other past stuff to turn all the bad things around on me.he came by me this morning looked at me and drove off,low tolerance behavior.
I understand more now about ADHD but this is very difficult,I give my 2 thumbs up for those of you who lasted in long term un medicated relationships with their ADHD spouses,you guys have a lot nerve.I respect that.
But I can't do it,I don't have it in me.