I am a 41 year old male diagnosed with inattentive ADHD about 6 months ago. Learning this has been such a life altering realization that my impairments are something I can addresstenth the right plan. I have been doing "all the right things": eating better (I lost 20 lbs); drinking alcohol only occasionally; seeing a therapist for anxiety and depression consistently over the 6 months. I had been in therapy many times before but gave up suddenly and with no reason every time. I'm also now on meds to treat the ADHD - Vyvanse mostly with Adderall in the evening when the tails off. While I am still frustrated with the downside of the lingering coping habits, my knowledge gaps and likely a LD - I generally have a more positive perspective. However (this is the big "but"), my marriage has actually gotten worse after all this. I talk about this when in therapy and understand the concept that change for even a dysfunctional relationship can be difficult and disruptive. Sadly I feel that all of my progress is for nothing with the increased frustration, confusion and pain that my marriage seems to be undergoing. Our "snappy" fights seem to have increased - at least I think they have. Perception is something of which I am having serious challenges; not just my current perception of life but trying to understand or realize that it's probably been skewed for a while. Is what I perceive now more accurate? Is what I remember about what I perceived earlier in my life or marriage the same now or different? It's all very confusing and overwhelming.
I've read many posts on this and other forums about someone recently diagnosed and seems to quickly have a relationship collapse. Are these related? Or is this the cruelty that those with untreated ADHD must endure; putting offf pursuing a diagnosis so long that it would have happened regardless. Yes, I realize most posts are going to be either overly positive or negative. Few will make an effort when life is "pretty good". It all evens out. Is this reaction typical of a spouse? She also has nearly all of the typical behaviors of a non-ADHD spouse - constant nagging, feeling like a parent to more than just our kids, angry most of the time about me not following through on anything, etc. I can also add this is my second marriage and we have been together for 8 years and have 2 beautiful, young children.
I feel demotivated that all the good workI have done seems to have made everything much worse. My anxiety and depression are creeping back and I'm worried. What next?