married for 3 months & considering divorce

I'm writing this as I sit alone in our apartment waiting for my husband to come home, or to even hear from him for that matter. I have known my husband for a little over 3 years, &  became aware of his adhd about a year ago. That's about the time I discovered this site & began printing out posts to share with him in hopes he would realize his adhd is real & have g very negative effects on our relationship & his life. I knew that he was diagnosed with adhd as a child & that he didn't have much guidance or support from his family growing up. His father was an addict, mother remarried to a man who wanted nothing to do with her kids to the point that they kicked him out with nowhere to go before he was even 18. When we met we were both working at a restaurant, life was fairly carefree & we were enamored with each other. We were always doing something fun & adventurous. He was so romantic & I felt we were invincible. It was that moment when you felt " this is it, he's the one". We moved in fairly quickly, & slowly as his responsibilities became more prominent in his life, his adhd & defensiveness did as well. I was always the one doing research, suggesting things I thought would help in managing the adhd but he never took them seriously. The frustration grew a lot in the past year & I became sick of the empty promise. How could this be the man I fell in love with? What happened to the carefree energetic & romantic man I was planning on spending forever with. I would say the symptoms began showing themselves as forgetfulness, defensiveness, empty promises, failure to follow through . His adhd seemed to be worse when around his family, sometimes I felt like he would act very ancy & overly excited, almost childish or immature when around them which made me feel embarrassed or confused. This wasn't a side I had known of my husband. He began to keep things from me,mainly financial problems that I had tried to ask about so I could help him get control of before we got married,but I think being on his own his whole life gave him the mindset that he didn't need anyone's help. I also think it gave him the mindset that he doesn't need to answer to anyone. Taking responsibility for his life, bills,debt,health...it became apparent that these things were never taught to him growing up so to him they were not prioritized. The unmanaged adhd led him to develop a habit of compulsively lying when confronted with any of these things that seemed too overwhelming to deal with, & what made it worse is that he didn't & still has not accepted his adhd as a real problem In his or our life. We began to fight more often, the more I pushed for him to take responsibility for these things the more defensive & withdrawn he became. We had developed what they refer to as the parent child dynamic, & I feel that is where we remain. Despite all this I held onto the hope be would change when we got married. I held onto the empty promises & allowed the lies  because it was easier then confronting  him for the truth. He has become an angry unpredictable person. He  goes from zero to 360 with no middle ground &  it always turns around to be my fault for making him angry. I provoke the anger he tells me by " questioning" him. Most of the time he has no excuse explanation other than " i forgot", " I don't know why I did it" ," I'm a fucked up person, why don't you just leave me". I am beginning to think he would rather end our marriage then be forced to deal with everything he has avoided with lies & defensiveness, or to admit the adhd is a factor & do something about it. I told him this week the next time he tells me to leave I am going to. We were married in August, I felt very confident we could make positive changes in our relationship & his issues. I started to try & take charge of our finances recently which was a mutual decision because he knows he has a hard time with it & things slowly went downhill. My trust In him had been slowly broken down over the past year, 2 weeks before the wedding I found $500 in unpaid parking tickets that he told me he paid, told his sister on the phone in front of me he couldn't pick her up because his registration was suspended, quickly telling me that was a lie to her,an excuse not to give her a rude but later found out it was true. The past month has been a snowball of depressing hurtful events. I found he had been confiscating his mail & throwing it out or hiding it from me so I wouldn't see the letters from all the traffic violations he had. Discovered about $2000 in unpaid fines from the numerous violations the past year that I was unaware of ,he skipped a court hearing last month & had another scheduled for this month. Was going to possibly lose his license. I was sickened that he kept this all from me & was so irresponsible as to let it even happen. Of course when confronted he was angry,mean & defensive. I was wrong for being sneaky & "  looking through his shit". Then last week I found out he didn't even get laid off of his last job, that he just went home sick & never came back. I found this by listening to a voicemail on his phone from his boss asking why he never came back. I work 2 jobs & 60-70 hours a week to support us. This last discovery made me sick. Of course again I am wrong & disrespected him by going through his phone. I am at the end of my rope. I am totally heart broken &  hopeless. I don't even feel like his wife, or that he considers my feelings at any time he acts or speaks. I don't know what to do :( is it too late?  I am 27, I want to move forward & start a family, move into a home. All were doing is moving backwards. We started therapy last week & our therapist gave us an assignment to spend the day doing things we used to love to do, & focus on us,remind each other why we fell in love. Last night he decided it was more important for him to go get drunk & not come home after I begged him not to do that. He has no car or way home today & I dint care to go get him at this point. He said he needed to relieve stress & he never gets to do anything he wants to do. As far as I'm concerned he chose a night of drinking over attempting any effort at fixing or working on our marriage. I'm embarrassed that this is where we're at & feel like I'm part of the problem for letting it get this way. I feel heart broken. If you read this whole thing, thank you. Any advice is more than welcome :(

 

 

Hi, Hopeless, I wish I could

Hi, Hopeless,

I wish I could give you a giant hug right now!  I started dating a man with undiagnosed ADHD when we were 24 and 25 - that was 19 years ago.  He was a compulsive liar, quit jobs for no reason, a drinker, problems with the law, and had big problems with his family.  We were several months in before I figured it all out.  We broke up.  We reconnected 17 years later and fell in love again.  He is still "the one" for me from a love standpoint.  But from a living with him standpoint?  It will never change unless he wants to change.  At 43, my ex is still a compulsive liar.  He is still drinking.  He still has angry outbursts, fails to follow through on promises, and lets me down all the time.  He tells me I am the love of his life and wants to be with me forever, then he disappears for weeks.  He doesn't mean to do it.  I know he loves me.  He is a good man with some big problems.  But that doesn't make it hurt any less.  It doesn't make the damage any less real.  I spent 4 hours last night talking to 2 girlfriends about the most recent time he has hurt me - just a few days ago.  It has taken me a lot of years but I am slowly and steadily reaching the point of "I've had enough".  

My only advice is to take care of yourself.  I know it's hard.  Believe me I know, there is nothing harder in the world than walking away from someone you love and know loves you.  It's the dream we all want to love and be loved - to be known.  It's hard to let go of the good memories and the fun and laughter you've had together.  I know because I've been there and am still there.  I would not wish this on anyone, and I just want to spare you years and years of pain.  Your husband is not a bad man, but right now, he is bad for you.  Unless he wants to get better and make changes, it won't happen and you will spend years trying to keep the ship afloat for the both of you.  

I am so sorry you are going through this, and I wish I had a magic potion to make it better for you (and for me!) in our relationships.  It's not easy to love someone with these challenges.  Only you can decide when you've had enough and make the decision to move on.  I wish you so much luck and happiness!!!

Some things don't change but get worse

"...a compulsive liar.  He is still drinking.  He still has angry outbursts, fails to follow through on promises, and lets me down all the time.  He tells me I am the love of his life and wants to be with me forever, then he disappears for weeks.  He doesn't mean to do it.  I know he loves me.  He is a good man with some big problems."

My dear, I have been with my dh for 40 years.  I know how blind we can be with hope.  I know how sad it is to come to terms that I have been so stupid or needy that I have been duped (and uncomfortable if not in real misery) in my marriage.   No, this man who has professed love for me all these years is not a grown up, responsible man nor does he love me.  He is not so stupid that he doesn't know what he is doing.   He lies to me.  He lets me down.  He drinks to soothe himself rather than talk to me.  He keeps me out of his life.   It is the dream we loved.  The man does not care for us.  He will not change for us.  He doesn't want to get better or make changes.  What is it in us that we keep forgiving and trying to understand and believe their lies? There is no respect for the marriage or for us.

I am sorry OMT2013.  For those of us who believed love conquers all....sometimes it doesn't and we have to grow up ourselves and accept reality.

Exactly, jennalemon!  We're

Exactly, jennalemon!  We're basically saying the same thing.  I have done so much work on myself in the last 2 years - I am happier, more confident, and stronger.  That doesn't mean I love him any less, but I am much less likely to make excuses for him.  This is why his an ex (again).  I like to say he's his own little hurricane spinning around like crazy.  The hurricane doesn't mean to hurt anyone, but that doesn't make it hurt any less when I get hit by flying debris.   I can't fix him.  I can't change him.  So unless he decides I'm worth it (or even if he decides his ex wife and kids are worth it) and gets help he will live an unhappy existence for his whole life.  Makes me sad for him and his kids.

Thanks for the encouraging

Thanks for the encouraging words & advice. After a short break my husband came back home & I was really hoping that the separation would have made him realize that he doesn't want to lose me & the ADHD is real. Since he came home our current situation stood that he had no car, a pending suspension of his license & a lot to work on, no money, a shitty job, not getting unemployment from his other job bc he technically didn't get laid off & walked off the job. Nothing changed. We had a few weeks of therapy which I thought he was interested in, all of the techniques for communication that our therapist suggested were shut down by him when I tried to use them. Communication was still non existent. He has made absolutely no initiative to do anything for himself; look for a doctor to get meds(which our therapist told him should be a priority) , look for a better job, apply for jobs, work on getting his car fixed, nothing. I was again the one calling doctors, I made him a new resume & even applied to several jobs for him, I asked for communication on numerous occasions only to feel I was walking on eggshells. I tried really hard in the past few weeks to change the way I approached him, responded to him, to stop nagging, but he didn't try anything!! I'm fed up & told him just that. Today he told me that he does not thinkhis ADHD is a problem, he will never admit or feel that way. That he does not want to handle things the way I want to because he doesn't agree with me. He told me he is not right for me, tired of feeling like he isn't good enough & falling out of love. I am devastated to say the least. He decided to leave again, this time for good. I had to pack all his things for him. I don't understand how he would rather ignore his ADHD, financial problems & lack of communication with me then work on himself & saving our marriage. We have been married for only 3 months. People are constantly asking how is married life & congratulating me. I feel ashamed & embarassed. I don't want to have to explain people that my husband of 3 months decided to leave me, take down all our wedding photos, I'm just feeling awful right now. I know I am doing the right thing & I need to take care of myself, but I am heart broken. I love him & I don't know how this is really happening. It seems like the consensus of women who have been married to an ADHD spouse end up heart broken in the end or stuck in an unhappy marriage. It's good to be able to come on here & talk to others who have went through the same experiences. 

Denying and sinking

So he is seemingly not mature enough to realize the effects of the ADHD, nor to want to begin looking at those effects, has a bad family history, and the reality of marriage and the stress that comes with a close-up relationship (cannot hide problems for long) has caught up with him in big way.  Now he's unable to dance his way from crisis to crisis, and he's coming unglued.  Unless he stops denying his ADHD it will only get worse, and it seems that unless his ADHD is addressed it's pointless going to therapy or trying other 'talking' approaches.  Is there anyone who can get this point through to him (he needs to hear it from someone other than you and certainly other than his family) ?  If not then it looks like ultimatum time - treat the ADHD or be divorced.  Otherwise your only alternative would be to separate your finances from him as far as possible, maybe move out, and see if he gets the point then.

You mention that he says "I don't know why I did it" - very common with ADHD, this lack of self-awareness tied to self-control. My husband (diagnosed abt 18 months ago) has even said that sometimes he felt like part of his brain could see his behavior perfectly when he screwed up, as though he was watching himself, and he would consciously ask himself "why are you doing this?" but he couldn't stop it. It happened again when he was on meds that didn't work for him. Now he has the right medication and it doesn't happen.  So, I'm not saying that could happen for your husband as everyone is different, but it's an illustration of how effective meds can be.  But if your husband wants to stay in denial, there really is nothing you can do except distance yourself from the fallout. 

If he did give in to an ultimatum to get treated then it will be a long road because of his difficult upbringing.  He wouldn't be able to stop lying overnight, for example, it's how he learned to get through life and avoid the consequences of his actions and he would have to relearn new coping skills.  But he has to be willing to try and he doesn't show any hint of that yet.  Trying to pile pressure on him to force him to get treated would probably backfire, he has to realize for himself that life could be better for him, hence the suggestion of whether someone else get through to him - if you try you'll run headlong into denial, anger and evasion since he'll probably see your concern as an attack.

help

Hopeless, I am so sorry you are going through this. It is probable that your spouse's lifetime of ADHD has caused him to develop some pretty significant coping mechanisms, including hiding things from people rather than have them see that he can't deal with them (like the parking tickets or staying at a job). He can't face what is going on. The anger is another aspect of the defensiveness. The hyperfocus at the beginning of your relationship that obscured some of his problems is pretty common. 

That said, the fact that ADHD can explain it does not make lying or anger management issues ok. You recognize that you need better. He is going to have to be the one to seek help and want to treat his ADHD. No matter how much you want him to, he has to decide he wants to for himself. 

It is up to you to decide how much support you can give him or how much you can live with. I lived for over a decade with a spouse who would not treat his ADHD, and in the end, he did decide to let our marriage end rather than seek treatment or deal with his issues. I hope that this isn't the case for you, but I would consider what course you want to take if your husband doesn't act soon. I would separate your money asap. I am so sorry--the best advice I have is to take care of yourself. Seek out your friends, confide in your family, and stay strong. Get counseling for yourself if it helps. My best to you. 

Picture yourself 20 years from now

Dear Hopeless, so sorry you are going through all this. 

Consider the cards you hold in your hand: You are young, with the possibilities that implies--freedom, the capacity to adjust to change without having to make compromises for your children or because of major financial commitments, etc.  The money problems you've uncovered are significant enough to set off alarms in your head but have not reached the five figure or even six figure level.  You are blessed with the curse of clarity of vision, so you see some of the significant co-morbid problems--alcoholism, lying, etc.  You have "only" been married 3 months--i suspect, if you divorce, the emotional fallout, though painful, will be manageable: People who care about you will come to understand it had to be pretty bad for you to leave so quickly...and the legal issues will also be manageable since you've had so little time to interweave your finances and life choices into some Gordian knot beyond unraveling.  

There might even be some nice guy in a cafe somewhere--truthful, respectful, responsible--wondering when he'll find his soul-mate--unaware you're destined to meet in 19 months.  Wait, no, that's impossible--you married the last man on the planet, didn't you, dear hopeless one... (Wiser ones on this site might also recommend that you take a breather from romance, work on making yourself your best you via rest and therapy, recover, and trust that the next chapter of your life will arrive when you are ready for it...)

I came on this site today for a bit of comfort.  The page opened to your post...and I see some of the same wise sisters responding to you whom I've come to appreciate over time.  Listen to them, please.

I will be married 20 years this Spring.  Two beautiful kids, both with ADHD whose challenging journeys occupy so much of my time and resources.  The last time I cried in the bathtub, I figured out my husband (also prone to hiding speeding tickets and letters from the IRS, etc) pissed away $150,000 over time.  That's cash money, not even attempting to factor in lost opportunities based on his meddling in my career, getting himself fired, etc.  Plus, I reached that number about 5 years ago and vowed not to keep doing the math because it was killing me.

A year ago we started living apart though we have not divorced given the gargantuan size of our own Gordian knot.

I came to this site today in pain because, this weekend, alone in our country house, my husband had an "accident" and fell while playing with our aging 10 pound dog.  Frankly, I cannot imagine how that was possible based on his incoherent description given me on the phone that night.  Was he drinking?, quite possible, plus ADHD is often accident-prone.  He took himself to the emergency room--bruised ribs--and to his unmasked delight, got a prescription for painkillers.  I did not tell him that, life being a CosmicJoke, I was in the city at the theatre at the same time he "fell", where I ran into an old friend who it soon became clear, wanted to be anywhere else than talking to me--because the man still worked at the very cool job where my husband had been very dramatically fired.  Living like I have in the constant chaos of ADHD, I had reacted with pure joy at seeing an old face with whom I shared fond memories (I'd known this guy for a decade before I even met my husband)--I didn't remember that awful firing or how this man had been dragged into it, because that was 2 firings ago and a lawsuit ago and thus ancient history in my dysfunctional world, plus I'd forgotten that people see me through the lens of being married to "that guy".  So yeah, I didn't tell my husband that I ran into a former friend, bc I try to shield him from hurtful stuff when there's no point in bringing it up--not that my husband would ever appreciate that.

So, Hopeless, consider what I'm about to write next, and whether it's all about me or whether this is also a cautionary tale for you. 

Yesterday morning, my husband called me in a panic about money (I control the checkbook, like many on this site).    Trust me that he wanted to do something very stupid and I talked him out of it.  By "talk" I mean exhaust myself for 45 minutes trying to calmly explain the obvious while trying not to lose my mind and/or weep.  He eventually saw reason and the kids' tuition was safe for another day.  Then, out of the blue, he mentions in his chipper way that he feels dizzy and might just drive himself back to the hospital.  Back when I lived on Planet Normal "dizzy" and "drive" were never uttered in the same sentence.  He's calling from 40 miles away and has our only car.  What the hell am I supposed to do--I urge him to call an ambulance, or at least a neighbor.  He hangs up in a rush.

I do not hear from him again for seven hours.  The first two hours, I don't want to call because I think he might actually be driving, and don't want to add further distractions.  Since I have no idea of his state, I consider calling the state troopers to let them know that somewhere along the route there might be an incapacitated driver on the road.  Or maybe I should call state troopers in both of the states, since he'll cross a state line to get to the hospital.  The romance that is my marriage has led me to many new experiences--this wouldn't be the first time I called state troopers, I know the bureaucracy involved and the vagueness of my concerns will probably lead to  humiliation but no concrete help.  Still, he might kill someone.  Oh my god.

Should I call the hospital?  And talk to whom?  About what?

After two hours, I start calling him, since he's probably not on the road anymore.  I call his cell.  I call the country house--maybe he just decided to take a nap?  Maybe, since his hearing is going, he doesn't hear it ring?  Maybe he's dead?  I try to remind myself that on Planet ADHD you could just forget to tell your family whether you've taken a nap or driven to the E.R.  I call his office in the city because maybe he felt better and just drove to work like he'd planned?

Four hours into this, our son comes home from H.S.  I try not to alarm him more than needed, bc I want to be his mom and not reverse the parent-child roles.  I am a mess, but cannot bring myself to lay more pathetic crap on the  friends I have left, so I'm pretty much alone and dialing all day.  My son knows his father well, and "accepts" that he might be having a health problem but is most likely OK because he often leaves us in the dark about important things.  We decide not to call his brother at college bc what can the poor kid do with that info from so far away?  I need to call the brother in college about other stuff, but cannot bring myself to intentionally withhold concerns about his father, so essentially I let my son down by not calling him when I should in order to spare him a new problem.

Last night was supposed to be special.  One of the few perks left from my own ruined career is that I sometime get invited to film screenings and was going to take my H.S. son to one.  We don't get as much us time as we'd like and were looking forward to this.  We decided to stick with the plan bc surely we'll hear from Dad soon. We have a long history of plans getting ruined for no reason.  We walk to the theatre.  We are calling him constantly as we do so.  My son calls too, bc when Dad is especially ashamed of himself he avoids Mommy and just calls his son with the news.  Nice, right?  We grab pizza and keep dialing.  OK, I know my responses are not normal--nothing is--so it's really about NOW that I am really really worried bc I have run out of possible explanations for what is going on.  Except that he is dead.  Or alone somewhere, dying.  It's 5 minutes before the theatre across the street is seating people. 

Son and I look at each other and say--at the same time--we can't go to this screening.  Son says, if we don't go, you realize it'll turn out that Daddy is OK?  We share that rueful laughter almost crying we know so well.  I have to live with the knowledge that I have become the kind of person who would seriously contemplate going to a movie and shutting off her phone when her husband might be somewhere dying.  ADHD marriage sure can change a person.

We walk home through our beautiful city knowing this is how we roll.  We rarely enjoy the fruit of our labors.  We get invitations to places we have to leave.  Or get to the party and are shamed by Daddy's behavior.  Or buy stuff that is lost or stolen before we use it.  Or...  We keep working our cel phones.

Back home, I call a neighbor from the country.  I calculate the shame/weird/crazy/past history ratio with each person, and settle on the one I  owe the fewest favors.  She goes over and confirms that the house is unlocked (I am not surprised bc no one locks doors on ADHD planet) but the car is gone and the lights are on outside like when I person leaves the property and the dog is not there.  Son and I decide this is probably a good sign bc it looks like a relatively calm departure.  Plus she found no corpse.

We keep calling.  We're glad to be thinking he's probably alive.  We enjoy the luxury of being pissed off about missing the movie.  I keep to myself the consolation that if he dies on the road, surely some cop would've found my number and called by now.

My son tells me he needs to go to his room and lie down.  I hug him as he goes.  I agree he's in no shape to do homework.  I agree to write a note.  Once again, I wonder what the hell I'll write.

I go into his room a half hour later to offer ice cream.  Eat those emotions!  He is on the phone with his father!

Finally, a half hour after joking with his son he  says put Mommy on the phone.  His ribs are broken!  He left the dog with the neighbors!  He drove himself to the E.R.--no prob!  But he didn't call me bc he was in pain--but he has painkillers now so everything's OK!  Maybe some tests tomorrow--something about his kidney and his ongoing heart probs but he can't really explain anything clearly but the people here are so nice.  Gee, were we worried--nothing he could do about that.

I eat the damn ice cream.  I do something I never do, never.  I open a bottle of wine.  I laugh at Jon Stewart.  I wonder what an actual marriage feels like.

I go on this site in the morning instead of doing the 6,007 things I must.  I am interrupted by a call from his job.  I have little info, no idea what to say--typical interaction.  He had told me he'd call work when I offered last night.  Minutes later he calls me--he's had tests!  He told the orderly the funniest joke--do I want to hear it?  I tell him his job called.  Maybe he should hangup, deal with that, call me back about the joke.

HOPELESS, we are not the same woman.  Maybe you can't relate to this story.  But if you imagine 20 years of marriage looking at all like this...have a think.  Please.  I know the exact moment I should have left my husband.  I was 35 and 3 months pregnant with our first child and I had more money in my checking account than I now make in a year and at least 2 dozen good friends who would have seen me through.  Take stock.  If your husband is not the one pouring his soul on a website to figure out how to save his marriage, does that tell you something?

Take care of yourself.  Love yourself.  Listen to your smartest instincts.  Good luck.

 

 

Hopeless--Many of your

Hopeless--

Many of your husband's behaviors are the same ones I experienced with my hubby at the very worst part of our marriage. Like you, the issues surfaced soon after marriage. We didn't live together when we were dating, and though I knew that he was bad about paying his bills and getting places on time, I didn't know to what extent until we got married and moved in together. The utter paralysis that ADHDers suffer from is shocking to those of us who don't have issues. They don't deal with any issue that they are intimidated by or fear.

There is hope but your husband will have to accept the responsibility for himself, his actions, and how they affect you. Going to therapy is a great first step; you probably know that many of the women on here are married to men who won't even consider going to therapy.

I will assume that since you are in your mid-to-late twenties that your husband is as well. My husband and I were 27 and 26 when we married. Common sense dictates that all growing up should have been completed by such a time. But it hadn't in my husband's case. We've been married five years, many of those years were spent informally separated because we couldn't have a conversation without it devolving into a fight. I was utterly miserable. But I loved him, and stood by his side. I guess you can say that I have been rewarded by my faithfulness. We are mostly happy now. I honestly think he finally grew up. After working off and on in construction and bar jobs after losing his job as a cop, he has finally obtained a full time sales job. He would prefer to be a cop again but he understands that he'd got to rebuild his reputation as a good worker and make some new, good contacts. He's actually saving his paychecks and sticking to a daily expense budget. All without my prompting. I can only assume having a job that he feels good about helped make the change (that and God). It just like one day I woke up and realized that we were back to the way we were when we dated. Sure we still have bad days, but everyone does. Yeah, he still screws up and pisses me off, but everyone does. Haha.

There are some big, lingering issues. He is still learning how to better communicate with me. He often runs off on an ADHD tangent which comes out as a strange blend of thoughts to me. But he's getting better at realizing how he must sound to me.

I too used to think he was lying to me on purpose, but I eventually learned that he wasn't lying per se (not in his head) he was projecting what he wanted to do (and only failed to do it).

I still have underlying fears that he will oversleep and not make it to work (and get fired as a result). We could survive on my paycheck but I know that emotional toll it would take on him. He feels the deficiencies caused by ADHD very keenly, though he's pretty good at celebrating the things that make him unique as well. He's super good in a crisis, for which I am grateful. He is currently un-medicated, but has learned some good tricks at keeping the ADHD at bay. If anything, I think he is functioning a little better than he was when we were dating. I would prefer him to have something to help him out (medicinally) but I also understand his frustration with the side effects. At first I thought it was disrespectful to me that he didn't take his meds, but I soon figured out that me telling him that he had to take his meds was the same as if he told me to take my "crazy pills" (anti-anxiety meds).

My story is fairly unique here in that it has, for the most part, turned into a success. But as me and my hubby's counselor once said, "Both parties have to want a better marriage." If you are like me and are wanting resolution (I hate to be left in limbo), I would give the counseling/therapy a certain amount of time. If you see changes, great. If you don't, well cross that bridge when you get to it.

Good luck to you.