Married into an ADD/ADHD family

First, thank you to everyone for sharing their personal stories and challenges with those they love that deal with ADD/ADHD on a daily basis. It is not easy for them and certainly not easy for those in the support role. To keep it short and sweet I'm going to sum up the past 10 years in a few sentences. Married, children, school, separation, trying again.....thinking living with family for some added support (since getting support from my DH was difficult) was a good idea until I found out that everyone in the house I am living with has ADD/ADHD. I feel my husbands diagnosis is used as a crutch and his mother does EVERYTHING for him. He does not have any responsibility in his life outside of work (which I am grateful he can hold down a decent job). Emotional support has been long gone. We have tried counseling but the second ADD came up he bolts. We have tried counseling a few times - he refused to stick with any of it. His physician has also suggested counseling but he says he doesn't have time for that. He has come to me for help (on the very rare occasion)with organizing him. I have not touched his things in years which honestly doesn't help since I still get blamed for it anyway. But when I agree to help him and I make sure he understands that I will need to touch his things, he is in agreement until it happens. His words and actions are so very different from each other. He doesn't spend time with me or the children - unless it involves something he wants to do and it MUST be outside of the house. He refused ADD meds due to side effects and sticks with anti-anxiety meds that seem to work a little when he actually takes them. I can't speak my mind about anything because his mother will step in and try to solve the issue when it doesn't even involve her. (One of the drawbacks for living with inlaws - ADD or not). So, much more than a few sentences but my question is....well I guess there isn't just one. I am desperate for tips, tricks, words of advice to help me better my marriage and my living situation with inlaws. Any and all help is so appreciated.