Married Single Mother of 5

From day 1 it has been me and the kids - and then him.  It's like he's separate from us.  He's here, but he's not HERE.  We had 5 kids in  6 years and I have yet to feel like he's fully in on this.  He deals with them and me only when he feels like it and it's convenient for him.  He will never go out of his way or be put out for any of us.  It's always his comfort, his head hurts, his legs hurt, his pinky toe hurts.  He'll huff and puff if I ask him to do even something simple like tie a shoe for one of the kids.  Getting them ready for church on Sundays is like a marathon for me, as after he is ready (through much coaxing) he plops down on the couch (where he LIVES) and stares and his phone and dozes off.  The answer is always "In a minute!" when I ask anything of him. And heaven forbid I ask again I will likely get cussed out or a MAJOR random attitude.  He is OCD about NFL football and a few other things, incl work which is the only way I think he holds down a job for so long. He is scared to death of being broke even when there's plenty of money and no worry.  It's like I'm dealing with a rebellious 16 year old boy!  He has MASSIVE mantrums (tantrums) if his NFL team loses or the TV doesn't work right (antenna no cable) and has recently broken his 2nd TV.  He is intent on forcing HIS way of how HE WANTS to love me, instead of loving me the way I NEED to be loved.  I feel like I'm the only adult in this home.  If something needs fixing in this house I have to do it, cause if I ask him enough (nicely) he gets furious.  Everything comes back to "Well I'm tired!  I work you know"  Ha!  As if that's the only thing required of a father and husband.  I've taken truckloads of trash to the dump cause we have no trash pick up (out in the country - his idea) and I know if I didn't do that it would be piled a mile high.  I love him but I'm soooo tired of this.  It don't take you 10 years to "change".  I think he literally can't cause he's a mental case.  Not an ounce of gentleness or the nurturing heart of a father towards these kids.  2 of our boys are ADHD and I fear for them cause what kind of example do they have.  I pray everyday he would lose his job, the thing he holds most dear, maybe then he'd realize there's more to life.  He's told me more than once, "Well they pay me y'all don't"  WHAT!  Advice on this basket case anyone?