Seems to me this is just an excuse. Do they ever change? Do they even want to? Nope. And I say that because my guy is nice to whom he chooses, when he chooses, then acts like a completely heartless jerk to others when the mood strikes.
It is crap. Immature, selfish crap. And no magic pill will make the huge difference. People only change if they want to.
After reading other posts it seems these people have no desire to change, ever. Maybe it's a case of being a Narcissist. No one else matters unless that person can fulfill some need of theirs. The truth is, these people are controlling Narcissists and we are enablers because we put up with the s***.
I believe you should treat eachother nice. Period. My childhood sucked (im 38 now) mom is a 'weekender' and mom and dad fought....both verbally and physically. Not all the time but too often. It wasn't lovely. Mom suffered, yes, but i suffered more, my first memory, age 5 consists of mom and dad fist-fighting and mom having a bruised backside. So I decided, that wasn't cool. Unfortunately, as it often happens this way, I had to endure a marriage of physical and emotional abuse, but I got out of that. Divorced 9 years now. And I stand by my belief that you should treat others with respect. It's not ok to throw things or yell ugly insults at the person you LOVE and have chosen to be with. So should I claim I too have ADHD and be a bitter jerk? I too have some emotional issues, life has not been kind to me. I get really sad sometimes, but its no excuse to act like the Devils spawn towards other people. So what do you think might happen if I behaved like my ADHD guy next time there's an argument? That's right, I'd be out the door. In about two seconds.
I think it's baloney. I've been with my guy for about 5 years, we are not married but we live together. It was great at first, he's a real charmer...manipulator is probably a better word. I'm learning. He's a big ball of self-centeredness. Very intelligent too. Loves himself. Takes about how special he is. And finds fault in pretty much everyone and everything. I've never encountered a more critical person. It's embarrassing sometimes. If it takes too long at the doctors, he throws a fit...if things aren't up to par, wherever we may be, he makes it known. Him on the other hand, he can act any way he wants to. A complete slob most of the time too. A real lazy sob. And then I get yelled at because his things are a mess. I am not his mother. Whatever happened to an adult taking responsibility for his or her actions. He blames it on ADHD... If/when he runs out of his Adderall it's the end of the world. And who's responsibility is it to make the doctors appointment? You guessed it! Me.
I feel unfocused half of the time because I take care of 99% of everything at home. I also work, and Im an artist. Im also dealing with Melanoma, I go to all appointments alone. Zero support from Captain Wonderful. He dumps everything in my lap, like he is Mr King S***. And you know, I don't throw things or yell at him for it. I just deal with whatever it is and move on. I am the enabler, but that's done now.
Any argument is a complete nightmare. Regardless of what I say I'm the jerk, even if I'm apologizing. I rarely call him a name, I just dont believe in it...Still I cant get my point across at all. It turns into some kind of a power-struggle. He spits mean insults at me as if I was a nobody he could care less about. Afterwards he says he was just mad. And its ok because he LOVES me.
Nope, I think this is all bogus. I agree it's a case of mental illness but you know, at some point you have to be responsible for what you do. I for one have had enough. I've treated this jerk very good, I'm a registered nurse, pay all my own bills, and I'm tired of being disrespected by big immature, selfish boy. I suggest anyone else dealing with this get out ASAP because its not going to change. The good times, the sweet times, all that is not worth it because they are too few and far between and people like this will damage your psyche if you aren't careful.