Measurable progress/improvement

Today was one of those "this is THE day" days.  My ADHD spouse thinks our relationship is bent.  I think it is broken.  Our 29th anniversary last Sunday was only a date on the calendar.  For me - enough.

I drew up a list of 11 things "I" need to show our marriage is moving into a positive direction.  Some are negotiable - some are not.  He always says he is improving - I just can't see it.  I see him trying hard - but not in the areas that will improve our marriage.  

A few of the nonnegotiable are:

1.  I will not re-arrange our debt with a debt consolidation loan - ever again - yes, ever - unless there is an event out of our control - earthquake, fire, illness, major accident, tornado.

2.  We will build a fence so that his 'stuff" can be out of my immediate sight, so we can sit on the deck and enjoy the view of nature - not his "stuff."

3.  No porn.  None. 

4.  He needs to find a way - with a counselor or book or however he chooses - to acknowledge when myself, my son, our daughter or new son-in-law - indicate a "negative" ADHD behavior is stirring up chaos.

5.  We will draw up a budget - and stick to it.

6.  No working on Sunday.  We did that for 25 some years.  Then in his anger, he just started doing whatever he wanted - working every day, not doing any chores, ignoring his promise to support me emotionally while I am back in school.  

I really don't care at the moment if he feels I am giving him an ultimatum.  I AM!!!!

I have applied for a live-in nanny position.  I told my spouse that we either work on our marriage, or I am working on getting out.

I did promise for better for worse, for richer or poorer.  So did he.  To me, worse equals things out of our control; consistent poor choices and refusal of help are not something I will stand by.  .