Last week my husband and I hit a low point, and he was staying over at a friends. Because we have been sharing a car while mine is down (for a while, engine died, need to save for new one) I asked him for the truck so I could go talk to our councilor..... I am not sure if it is related to the fact that I was going to talk to her, and anything they might have talked about that week as well, but soon after he called me to apologize. He told me how he doesn't want to be away, or the family to fall apart, and things need to change, and how he was going to go see a doc about possible meds, because what we are doing isn't working.... and he came home. (our therapist really thinks meds might make it a lot easier for him/ us to function)
Well, today is the day.... he told me this morning that he wasnt going to the appointment because he doesnt have time.... he has a quiz at school at the same time...(well actually, his class ends 20 min before the apt).. and that although that was the only available apt for quite a while, he isnt going..... and that he doesnt even think he needs it. I said he could talk to his teacher about taking it a different time, or early, something, just to work it out w her.... teachers do that, and he has before as well. He said well the kids have gymnastics today too.... I told him that as well ends before the apt. he said yes, I could take a taxi and go get on Speed I guess, thats what you want you just want me all high on Speed huh? He said he thinks he just needs to smoke pot, like 'they would give him in CA' and do yoga ect. I explained to him that he has smoked pot, and that doesnt work, plus it is expensive. It might help in the moment to relax, but what about organization and getting things done.... it doesnt help, it wears off and then you are grumpy. the whole time telling me, as usual, he doesn't have time to deal with this stupid conversation. And that he didnt say he wouldnt take it, (me 'nagging' him) just he is too busy now (flipping back and forth, in the same conversation)
I tried explaining to him that the medication was something HE brought up, not me. And that I do think it is something he should try. How I do not see much hope, and we need to try something else. He feels like I am giving him an ultimatum..... Which maybe I am, but really I feel hopeless otherwise. I told him I can draw my line in the sand, and he can draw his, and we can go from there to see if this is going to work out for us.
I just cannot deal with the mood swings. Yesterday I got up from where I was sitting on the computer typing a email because he was looking over my shoulder. I said 'excuse me, I have a hard time thinking with someone looking over my shoulder... sorry I have always been that way, just ask my 2nd grade teacher lol' He got all pissed, stormed off and then came back and threw a rock from my daughters room at me. I didnt say anything, I avoided him, he left to go to school and the sauna..... he then called later in the afternoon to ask if I needed the car.... he was in a better mood..... I said 'glad to hear you are in a better mood' He said huh? I said yeah, this morning you threw a rock at me.... He said I wasn't going to hit you, I was just blowing off steam. (never apologizing) Anyways, my point is.... these things stick with me, and effect my whole day.....and even longer.... while it was nothing to him.... he never acknowledges my feelings. Sometimes I get an, 'Im sorry you feel that way' but that does nothing for me,,, actually it makes me feel worse. Like it is not reallity, just my problem with my feelings. (he makes me feel like my feelings toward these things are the root of the problem)
Anyways I need some advice on this. How much do I push for meds for someone who has been told they have ADHD and a mood disorder? I really do not want to push someone on meds, but I cannot see bringing my children up around someone who does not lead by example.... and brings me anxiety by never knowing how he will wake up. but I also don't want to send my children to the home of a father with ADHD and a mood disorder (in the future, if we split)
Sometimes it feels like he is a 4 year old that doesnt want to eat their broccoli.