Medication update

My husband started medication mid-Oct (100% for work issues, our marriage was better than it had been in many years). He started on Concerta. It made him irritable and it took me forever to convince him of this. He stopped but wanted to try another, so he started Vyvanse. It had the same affect on him, it made him really hostile and short fused. He took it long enough that I honestly thought I had lost him to the medication because he refused to see what it was doing and it wasn't an easy road getting there, but he did agree to try and stop taking it to see if it would help. He had been on it for about 2 months at the point that he stopped it..cold turkey.

I cannot say for sure, but something changed when he stopped the meds, and my personal feeling is that he's coming unraveled. His ADHD is completely out of control at this point. He's coming unglued over work issues. He's lost all sense of 'follow through' with his promises to me He has spent the majority of his time isolating himself from the rest of the family for weeks, and has said over and over again "I just need a few more days to work through this" but NEVER really being able to tell me what "this" is, always just using the current crisis as 'this'...until the next one and then that one is 'this'. This is unacceptable to me. I finally suggested that maybe it was because of abruptly stopping the meds and suggested maybe he needed to call his doctor. He agreed to, now is refusing...saying he needs to learn to deal with 'this' on his own, he doesn't want this to keep being an issue, and the only way he feels he can ensure that is to deal with 'it' by facing it head on...and that apparently involves heading straight back to the den!

We have not had a marriage to speak of in 6 weeks. For those of you who know me, you know that I came here at a very positive time in my marriage when we were making so much progress and things were going well. I did not want him to start medication, but I love him, so I dug in my heels and faced it. I faced it a second time when they turned him into a hostile, mean man I didn't even recognize. I'm trying to face whatever it is he's going through now, but it seems he just lets it get more and more out of control with each passing day. I'm losing my footing. I know he needs me to be strong and supportive, I know that makes a world of difference to him, but no matter how much support I show him, he isn't making any effort to change what is making me so unhappy. (yes, I've been very honest with him about it). He says all he needs is me to get through it, but in a way I feel that is being very unfair to me to place that burden on me. I can be supportive ONLY if I see effort on his part. When I express I'm having a bad day, once in a blue moon, and his response is "me too", I just give up. Where is MY support?

He has been to counseling alone once so far and goes again next week...this was after admitting that he needed to get better control over his coping (POOR coping) skills and learn better ways to for now, that is all I have to hold onto. As much as the thoughts make me sick, I gave him several ideas about medications...maybe trying Strattera-the non-stimulant one, or maybe asking for 1/2 of the dosage of vyvanse that he was on..maybe the 40mgs was too much for such a sensitive system. (he's 6'4" and weighs 150lbs). I told him I would support anything he did, as long as he'd get help..go see his doctor. Now he refuses...and feels he's going to get it all worked out...on his own. I am afraid by the time he realizes it isn't going to happen that way, it'll be too late. We won't have a marriage to save. I won't give up easily, but I know how short life is and he swore when we reconciled that he would not stop trying and he would do what needed to be done. Seems like since we got the ADHD diagnosis, he's done nothing but deny that it is an issue and avoid even talking about what needs to be done. I'm so upset right now I would like to go throw Melissa's book at him and tell him not to come out of the den until he has read it!