On meds all week..wow

Hubby took his Adderall every day this week for the first time. I have a hard time with it, because there are parts of his personality that I love when he's not taking Adderall..his sarcasm, joking, silly self, and he seems to lose that a bit when he's on Adderall. I also feel like he's taking too much. He tells me he needs 90 mg for work(he has a physically demanding job that requires split attention all day, and he says when he takes less than that he gets more distracted..but at home this weekend he took only 60 mg to get some jobs done around the house and I could tell he was more focused..almost too focused.. like he just didn't know how to stop. He was determined to get this job done this weekend and was doing everything in his power to get it done, made several Home Depot trips to get the right parts, ran into problems, but didn't let it distract him from the goal. I know this is the whole point of taking meds, to keep you focused..but it was almost like he was in a state of hyper focus all weekend. He even didn't stop for very long to eat. He'd wait until he was really hungry, then come inside ad scarf down some chips and a handful of m&ms. He's also diabetic. NOT A GOOD THING! But, he was better with the kids, way more aware and attentive about what was was going on, remembered to get the trash cans out to the curb without me reminding him, and when we went out to dinner before our second home depot trip, he was focused on getting the kids to eat their food, and was just aware of what was going on. I usually feel like I'm the one that's aware and keeping the kids in line, etc while DH sits in his own little world, eating and making a mess and clueless as to everything around him. It was a nice change knowing that I didn't have to be the only one focusing on the kids..Huh..it's like we were a team or something!? We talked last night after he had given up on the project for the night once he ran out of daylight, and sat outside on our patio.

I wanted to bring up the topic of Adderall but was afraid(given our history that if I told him I felt like he was taking too much Adderall he'd flip because it's taken me months of convincing to actually take it on the weekend..and here I am telling him he's too focused. WTF? I have a friend who used to do speed recreationally and it reminded me a bit of her..not that bad, mind you, but just seeing the way his brain was working on it was a little scary. We talked and it actually went really well. I told him I felt like he was super-focused all weekend and asked him how much adderall he took. He told me 60 mg, and I told him I can't imagine him taking more than that during the week.. He told me that he feels he needs more due to the nature of his job, like he burns through it quicker because he's physically working harder. When he skips it on the weekend, all he has the motivation and energy to do is watch TV or sleep. Seriously, he sleeps all weekend. One weekend I asked him after several naps and sleeping in if he felt rested, and he said no. It doesn't matter how much sleep he gets, it's never enough. Getting him to do anything off Adderal is useless. Or takes a lot of coaxing. I told him I felt like he might be taking too much Adderall during the week and when he goes off of it cold turkey like that for two days straight, his body is withdrawing, hence the sleep, and amplified ADHD symptoms. In the past this would have brought on a huge fight, but instead he said, "yeah, that could be." So we agreed for him to continue taking the 90 mg during the week for work, but dropping it down to 30 on the weekend, instead of not taking it at all. My other concern is for his health. He is already taking blood pressure medication. Wouldn't this be a good indicator that he's taking too much Adderall? We're actually in a position now financially that he could quit his job and do something else entirely, get into a line of work that is less physically demanding, but the idea of that makes him want to vomit. He said he couldn't imagine a desk job or anything that was too monotonous. I know this is probably because of the ADHD and need for excitement, stimulation, etc.

I don't think he would object to me going to a doctors appointment with him, but I know if I tell the doc that I feel he's taking too much medication, the doc might change his prescription, and then DH would be upset because he won't be as focused at work. I don't know what to do, because having a husband and father who sleeps and wants to lay around all weekend isn't working for anyone but him.

He just texted me and told me "So sleepy, can't get going! Can't take meds all weekend!"


ADDers, tips? Experiences with other meds?


Hubby just got a new job... His dream job and my hope was that yay, maybe finally he will be a more patient father and think about someone besides himself for awhile. He works only 8-4 now and while its a physical job he has plenty of time to wind down, work on projects, have time to do hobbies, and all that but still doesn't seem like he's capable of parenting along side me without yelling at our kids. I really thought this job change would make all the difference I'm the world but so far all that seems to be changing is that he is trying to do more things for himself rather than commit to helping be a partner in our marriage. I know this is a recurring theme in a lot of adhd marriages and I think the issue I'm having now is that I always gave him excuses for behaving the way he does, and now I feel like he has no excuses not to try and be a better parent and engage with his kids. So frustrating. I do so much for him to make his life easier... I run most of his errands, even when it inconveniences me, I do everything for him and he doesn't even seem to appreciate it or get how much I do for him. The only time he does much for me is if I beg him or cry or something desperate. And even then it doesn't seem like he really wants to. I don't know. I told him that we need counseling to figure out how to parent together and understand each other better so we can be happy again. I sort of had a moment of clarity the other night after posting on a other forum. It's not just our relationship that feels out of balance, it's the way he parents too. He is really hard on our son. Our son has always been a bit difficult but I'm sure it's because he's probably ADHD as well.  He's response to a tantrum or overtired or whiny 4 year old is to yell at him. My answer? Hug and talk to him. This leaves me in a horrible position. Basically if I want DH to take over I have to listen to him he'll at our son.. Or I can just do all the parenting alone. I'm also very anti-spanking and he knows that and doesn't do it but he told me the other day that I shouldn't get so upset with him about yelling at our kids since I won't allow spanking. Ugh. We have obviously two different ideas on what it means to parent well and can't seem to do it. Before we had children I was okay with spanking and more harsher punishments but then I had kids and did a ton of research on peaceful parenting and really changed my tune. DH is at work all day and I'm at home with the kids so I've figured out much better ways to deal with them besides yelling and spanking. DH tells me that if I expect him to step in when I need help the. I need to be okay with his way of doing things. Makes me so mad. It's as if he doesn't even see the value if not yelling. Like he thinks that's all he can do.  I told him the other night that we needed counseling. Not sure whether we need parenting classes or marriage counseling or both but we need some professional help. How do I go about finding someone who knows about adhd that can help us? I live in the DFW area in Texas. On and I gave him an ultimatum. Counseling or separation. 

gonna talk to him tonight

He sent me that text about not being able to take meds all weekend, and all I could think of was hmmm...how can we make this medication work for all of us!? I'm even considering telling him that I will work part time for benefits to allow him to start his own business so he can be home more, save money on gas and tolls(between the two of us we spend a lot on gas and tolls), and be with the kids more, and have more energy for the whole family..so we can go do things together as a family, and even exercise together, things like that. I don't want him to feel pressured to take such a large dose of Adderall during the week to make enough money to support me wanting to stay at home. He knows there's perks to me being at home with the kids full time and appreciates me, but I just wonder in the long term, to preserve his mental, emotional and physical health, offering to help out with the finances would take a load off? We're in such a good place now in our relationship, and financially and I just want everyone to be happy and healthy! Either that, or suggesting he change jobs to something less physically demanding so he doesn't feel the need to take so much Adderall. Maybe he could get by on only 30 mg or 60 mg with a less demanding job? Thoughts?! I'd like to talk to him tonight about this.

I also feel like I might be trapped if I decide to work part-time and end up not liking it. I would simply be working for health benefits and nothing else. I'm looking into Starbucks. I am a coffee connoisseur, and love working with people so I think it could work out! I would just hate 1 year down the road feeling trapped and miserable if I decide that I want to be back with my kids full time. They are almost 4 and 16 months, so they are still kind of young. But I wouldn't be gone all the time, and when they aren't with me, they'd be with daddy..I think he would love that. But like i said, I want what's best for the whole family and right now he feels stressed and tired a lot of the time, while I usually get a lot of free time, and plenty of sleep.

self employment

How many of you ADDers own your own successful businesses.  Businesses that earn your family a decent living....ie:  pay all the house bills and grocery bills and clothing and energy and car and gas bills with some left over for investing for retirement?  Justwannagive up is considering working so her ADD husband can start his own business.  Just asking.  I can only give her my story of me working "part time" to help my ADD husband start his own business.  The story does not end well.

add entrepreneurs

I'm in grad school right now to become a counselor. One of my classes last spring required a research paper. The topic I chose (since it basically consumes my life) was on ADHD and the effect on the lifespan of a person with ADHD. Some of the research I found suggested that successful leaders, business owners and salespersons tend to have ADHD because their driven personalities are great for those types of work. I would do my own research first if I were you, and you know your husband and his capabilities better than anyone on this forum so that is up to you two to figure out. When I first began dating my husband he was in the process of starting his own business and today, five years later, he has been and continues to be very successful with it. One of the biggest things we struggle with is his difficulty in prioritizing his time for our marriage. He could easily work all the time, and would, if I did not intervene regularly to remind him to put our marriage first. This created a lot of arguments the first few years of our relationship, and at times still does.   Some of the greatest praises I have of my husband is how hard he works, how driven he is to succeed, and how incredibly intelligent he is when it comes to numbers, sales, wit, knowing the value of something and how to flip (investment purchases), and how to seal business deals. His charm and sense of humor have a great deal to do with it. He is honest and upfront with his clients. I have often wondered what I would do without him. Could I carry on his business? I clearly don't have what it takes and would have to sell the business if it was up to me. He is definitely gifted when it comes to running his business. However, my husband is not getting treatment and is not on any medication, so he constantly is shooting himself in the foot so I think he works even harder to compensate for these daily mishaps (i.e. losing tools, forgetting tools for far away jobs, forgetting to load important pieces on the truck, having to constantly buy more and more stuff to make up for everything he loses or forgets, he loses almost everything everyday - at least it feels that way,  sometimes he forgets appointments for estimates so he loses potential jobs, or he forgets to call people back, I could go on and on) Somehow, despite all these hindrances, he is still successful. I can't imagine how much more peace we would both have, and I wonder how much less hard he would work if he were willing to get treatment and try meds.  He argues that everyone is like him! Anywho, sorry, starting to rant now. 


Best of luck with everything. I think it's awesome that your hubby is willing to take meds and do whatever is best for your family. Also, I think it is great that you're so supportive of your husband and also want what is best for all of you. It gives me hope that perhaps one day mine will get it together. I want a family, but it is hard to imagine when my husband seems very much like a child to me aside from his commitment to working, which I should be and am grateful for- better than the alternative from other stories I've read about ADHD spouses not being able to keep a job or 'laziness' in finding one. He did say this morning that he is willing to do the online counseling thing with me that is available on this site. Thank the Lord for small steps I guess....now, for him to not change his mind!

So many factors....

Hard to say.... also, I've got to give the 'I'm not a physician..." disclaimer... but here's my 2 cents as an ADDer:

Metabolism definitely has an effect on how fast you will 'burn' the Adderall, I find. So he may be 'burning' through it faster at his job if it's heavy labor.  Also, people tend to build up a tolerance for stimulants pretty quickly.  I leveled off at 60mg, it seems (for the time being)... who knows?

If he's taking 90 mg every day and then NOTHING on the weekend then, yes, I'd say the sleeping is definitely withdrawal.

HOWEVER:  years ago when I had a stressfull full-time job (and no kids) I would sleep all weekend as well.  It had nothing to do with meds, because I wasn't taking any.  so... again..who knows....?

Definitely ask the doctor about it. 

Funny what you said about knowing someone who took speed 'recreationally' and it bothered you.  I knew people like that when I was in college, and i'd think WHO ON EARTH would WANT to feel like that????  Not realizing of course, that I would NOT be like that at all had I taken it...  If only i'd known, I'd have gotten much better grades and actually may have my life together my now!


MEds and sleepiness

It would be interesting to try different dosage times for your husband - it sounds as if he may be on a high dose...and that lower doses taken more than once a day might be useful to him to lengthen the benefit and lessen any "zombie" effect he might be getting (I note your "he was more focused on 60mg than on 90mg when I suggest he might be getting a zombie effect).  Talk with the doc about it?

Still doing great!

So, things are still going great here! Turns out, the ADHD was very little of our problem. The only issue we are having right now is that DH takes meds during the week for work and when he gets home, he is still in focused work mode and wants to get projects done around the house, when all I want is a break from the kids for a few minutes. So, we go back and forth on that. He will oblige about half the time and step in and help with the kids. But, looking back, I think DH was depressed and that's why he was sleeping all the time. He told me he has been unsatisfied with our sex life since before our 4 year old was born..I want to say things started changing around the time he was diagnosed with ADD..I remember turning down sex about half the time before that too. I think we both sort of fell into this slump of depression. Mine manifested itself in staying up late watching tv, drinking more and playing on the computer, and caring very little for his feelings, and DH's manifested itself in sleeping to sort of check out of his life. It's so sad to look back on now. I feel bad for our son, who never got the attention and affection he deserved from his father, which made me sad and made me crave alone time to get away from everyone, especially my DH. So, he would get to the weekend, and want to sleep most of the time. I dealt with feelings of neglect from him and I'm sure my son felt neglected too! My kids are both much happier and look forward to daddy coming home. our 18 month old is just the happiest little girl, and loves her daddy so much..I didn't really get that from our son. He was such a mama's boy and now I know why. He was craving attention from daddy and wasn't getting it. I just can't believe we didn't get to the root of this long before now. All it would have taken was a good honest conversation and we would have been in a much different place earlier on. DH is now getting old projects finished up, even without taking his meds on the weekend, and just seems happy now. I couldn't have said that about either one of us before now! I finally feel like I have the partner I always thought I would have but never had, and I've been reminded that there was a great deal of love between us early on and it's finally coming back...I can finally say that I embrace his ADHD quirks..because that's all there really is..alot of his symptoms were a result of depression, not ADHD.

I'm happy for you


Communication is critical to the success of any partnership, particularly marriage.   Are you getting any counseling?  Because that can help the process go faster and smoother.