Hubby took his Adderall every day this week for the first time. I have a hard time with it, because there are parts of his personality that I love when he's not taking Adderall..his sarcasm, joking, silly self, and he seems to lose that a bit when he's on Adderall. I also feel like he's taking too much. He tells me he needs 90 mg for work(he has a physically demanding job that requires split attention all day, and he says when he takes less than that he gets more distracted..but at home this weekend he took only 60 mg to get some jobs done around the house and I could tell he was more focused..almost too focused.. like he just didn't know how to stop. He was determined to get this job done this weekend and was doing everything in his power to get it done, made several Home Depot trips to get the right parts, ran into problems, but didn't let it distract him from the goal. I know this is the whole point of taking meds, to keep you focused..but it was almost like he was in a state of hyper focus all weekend. He even didn't stop for very long to eat. He'd wait until he was really hungry, then come inside ad scarf down some chips and a handful of m&ms. He's also diabetic. NOT A GOOD THING! But, he was better with the kids, way more aware and attentive about what was was going on, remembered to get the trash cans out to the curb without me reminding him, and when we went out to dinner before our second home depot trip, he was focused on getting the kids to eat their food, and was just aware of what was going on. I usually feel like I'm the one that's aware and keeping the kids in line, etc while DH sits in his own little world, eating and making a mess and clueless as to everything around him. It was a nice change knowing that I didn't have to be the only one focusing on the kids..Huh..it's like we were a team or something!? We talked last night after he had given up on the project for the night once he ran out of daylight, and sat outside on our patio.
I wanted to bring up the topic of Adderall but was afraid(given our history that if I told him I felt like he was taking too much Adderall he'd flip because it's taken me months of convincing to actually take it on the weekend..and here I am telling him he's too focused. WTF? I have a friend who used to do speed recreationally and it reminded me a bit of her..not that bad, mind you, but just seeing the way his brain was working on it was a little scary. We talked and it actually went really well. I told him I felt like he was super-focused all weekend and asked him how much adderall he took. He told me 60 mg, and I told him I can't imagine him taking more than that during the week.. He told me that he feels he needs more due to the nature of his job, like he burns through it quicker because he's physically working harder. When he skips it on the weekend, all he has the motivation and energy to do is watch TV or sleep. Seriously, he sleeps all weekend. One weekend I asked him after several naps and sleeping in if he felt rested, and he said no. It doesn't matter how much sleep he gets, it's never enough. Getting him to do anything off Adderal is useless. Or takes a lot of coaxing. I told him I felt like he might be taking too much Adderall during the week and when he goes off of it cold turkey like that for two days straight, his body is withdrawing, hence the sleep, and amplified ADHD symptoms. In the past this would have brought on a huge fight, but instead he said, "yeah, that could be." So we agreed for him to continue taking the 90 mg during the week for work, but dropping it down to 30 on the weekend, instead of not taking it at all. My other concern is for his health. He is already taking blood pressure medication. Wouldn't this be a good indicator that he's taking too much Adderall? We're actually in a position now financially that he could quit his job and do something else entirely, get into a line of work that is less physically demanding, but the idea of that makes him want to vomit. He said he couldn't imagine a desk job or anything that was too monotonous. I know this is probably because of the ADHD and need for excitement, stimulation, etc.
I don't think he would object to me going to a doctors appointment with him, but I know if I tell the doc that I feel he's taking too much medication, the doc might change his prescription, and then DH would be upset because he won't be as focused at work. I don't know what to do, because having a husband and father who sleeps and wants to lay around all weekend isn't working for anyone but him.
He just texted me and told me "So sleepy, can't get going! Can't take meds all weekend!"
ADDers, tips? Experiences with other meds?
Hubby just got a new job... His dream job and my hope was that yay, maybe finally he will be a more patient father and think about someone besides himself for awhile. He works only 8-4 now and while its a physical job he has plenty of time to wind down, work on projects, have time to do hobbies, and all that but still doesn't seem like he's capable of parenting along side me without yelling at our kids. I really thought this job change would make all the difference I'm the world but so far all that seems to be changing is that he is trying to do more things for himself rather than commit to helping be a partner in our marriage. I know this is a recurring theme in a lot of adhd marriages and I think the issue I'm having now is that I always gave him excuses for behaving the way he does, and now I feel like he has no excuses not to try and be a better parent and engage with his kids. So frustrating. I do so much for him to make his life easier... I run most of his errands, even when it inconveniences me, I do everything for him and he doesn't even seem to appreciate it or get how much I do for him. The only time he does much for me is if I beg him or cry or something desperate. And even then it doesn't seem like he really wants to. I don't know. I told him that we need counseling to figure out how to parent together and understand each other better so we can be happy again. I sort of had a moment of clarity the other night after posting on a other forum. It's not just our relationship that feels out of balance, it's the way he parents too. He is really hard on our son. Our son has always been a bit difficult but I'm sure it's because he's probably ADHD as well. He's response to a tantrum or overtired or whiny 4 year old is to yell at him. My answer? Hug and talk to him. This leaves me in a horrible position. Basically if I want DH to take over I have to listen to him he'll at our son.. Or I can just do all the parenting alone. I'm also very anti-spanking and he knows that and doesn't do it but he told me the other day that I shouldn't get so upset with him about yelling at our kids since I won't allow spanking. Ugh. We have obviously two different ideas on what it means to parent well and can't seem to do it. Before we had children I was okay with spanking and more harsher punishments but then I had kids and did a ton of research on peaceful parenting and really changed my tune. DH is at work all day and I'm at home with the kids so I've figured out much better ways to deal with them besides yelling and spanking. DH tells me that if I expect him to step in when I need help the. I need to be okay with his way of doing things. Makes me so mad. It's as if he doesn't even see the value if not yelling. Like he thinks that's all he can do. I told him the other night that we needed counseling. Not sure whether we need parenting classes or marriage counseling or both but we need some professional help. How do I go about finding someone who knows about adhd that can help us? I live in the DFW area in Texas. On and I gave him an ultimatum. Counseling or separation.