The result of the meeting was the psychologist/psychiatric nurse saying that many of my wifes behaviors could be ADHD, but she did not think trying medication was warrented--at least until we tried non-medical treatments.  She also said she would read the list of behaviors I made.  My wife took this as "She says I don't have ADHD."

Another weird way she sees herself vindicated:  I mentioned the symptom of blurting out hurtful or embarrassing things, and her explanations that she is not inconsiderate, she doesn't think about my feelings.  The specialist replied that this "could be ADHD or it could be passive aggressive."  My wife sees being passive aggressive as better than having ADHD?  She sees being purposefully mean as better than not being able to control negative behavior?

She did the questionnaire (which unfortunately had a lot questions that were about children, such as behavior in school) which scored things on a 0 to 3 scale, with 3 being the highest level of something happening often.  My wife even gave herself a "2 or 3" on many of the questions.

My wife often complains that I talk about things that happened years ago and don't acknowledge the things that have gotten better.  During the evaluation, I prefaced some statements by noting that things are not as bad as they used to be.  So she complained about that!