Submitted by PoisonIvy on 10/15/2016.
Hi. Just looking for some moral support as I literally get down and dirty with dealing with my ex-h's stuff: cleaning out the basement. This is an ongoing process, but last night, I went into the worst room down there and encountered a dead mouse and lots of mouse droppings on storage surfaces. This morning, I hauled approximately 10 heavy cans of paint and stain up and outside, to the garage. And this is the easy stuff, the things I can carry by myself. I'm not feeling warm and fuzzy about my ex right now and I'm depressed about the many, many hours of these chores ahead of me.
Sorry that you're having to
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
Sorry that you're having to deal with this. How are these things usually dealt with in divorce? Can the other person be "ordered" to get their stuff out? Or, are they given a date to get their stuff out and when they don't the other spouse disposes of it?
If this were me, then the day before "trash pick-up," I'd go down to the basement, grab some things and bring it to the curb. It might take me a year to get thru it all, but at least it wouldn't be overwhelming.
The divorce agreement said
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
The divorce agreement said that everything in the house on a certain date, other than two specific groups of items (a musical instrument and record albums), would become my property. I've given my ex a few additional deadlines and he has been here two or three times since the divorce, but he hasn't taken anything with him. At some level, I think it's probably a relief to him that I'm dealing with the stuff. The time, energy, and money I'm having to put into this are draining me.
Rosered.....Ask Your Attorney?
Submitted by kellyj on
Normally in divorce...all assets are clearly spelled out as to who gets what? On all the little crap like cans of paint and the like that is not listed on the document....my understanding (which is why you should just ask.....) is that if it's your house..and those things aren't listed or spelled out...a reasonable amount of time should be stated...and then agreed upon. I would always act in good faith..and give your H the benefit of the doubt and just ask him...but I would do it by e-mail...so it's not his word against your's with his reply stated in writing?
My ex wife had a whole of things that were hers...that I was storing for her for 9 months and taking up an entire room that she never came to get...saying...she didn't have room in her new apartment and asked if I would store it for a while? Well...a while became 9 months and I told her....come get it, or I will give it away? She was over there within a week and got all her stuff out. No need to come get it...when she was getting free storage? The fact that it was hers...but she had no room for it after that long.....was not my ( or your problem anymore? )
But I would always act in good faith first....you can never go wrong there but spell it out in writing that you can fall back on or prove later just in case. Asking your attorney with a five minute phone call...should ease your mind and you can't go wrong there I think?
J
Good advice, J.
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
Good advice, J. Unfortunately, we have an agreement, which my ex is ignoring in various ways; he has ignored my statements that I will be dealing with stuff by certain dates; he doesn't answer the phone; he doesn't respond to emails. I think this is where ADHD or some other brain issues are rearing their unpleasant heads. I accept that this cleaning up the house task is now mine but it is not pleasant.
Since the ex can't be ordered
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
Since the ex can't be ordered to, "clean up and take your junk out of the family home," all courts can do is say that the person must remove stuff by X date, and after that, the spouse remaining in the family home can keep or dispose of it.
Since Rosered has mentioned that her ex lives with his parents I suspect that he knows that he can't bring that stuff there. He really has no use for the stuff, so he's leaving it to Rosered to deal with.
Since this is upsetting Rosered so much, she should just mentally tell herself, "Garbage pick up is on XXXday, so the day before I will go down with a box or garbage bag, fill it up and take to curb. Then I'll close the basement door until next week."
That's a good suggestion
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
That's a good suggestion, overwhelmedwife. Things are somewhat more complicated because of the magnitude of the job: I will have to rent a dumpster to dispose of large items, obtain assistance from friends or paid helpers to get the large items out of the basement and main level of the house, and hire a specialized service to clean the basement after the items have been cleaned out. Also, some things can't go into the garbage, such as the household chemicals (e.g., paint and stain) and the old computers;
Have you considered a charity?
Submitted by jenna-ADD on
When I had to move, I got some cheapo movers off Craiglist (college kids charging about $12/hr). As for anything remotely useable, charities like Purple Heart and some Salvation Armys will come to pick up. My local charity said they don't do stairs for liability reasons, but if you can get everything onto the driveway at least, it might be worth it in lieu of renting a dumpster.
I've given away a lot of
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
I've given away a lot of stuff already. The charities around here will not take garbage-like items, and I wouldn't expect them to. Unfortunately, much of what is in the basement is not useable.
Junk addiction....
Submitted by c ur self on
We had a couple that came to our church from time to time; I had meet the husband once....He suffered w/ bi-polar disorder....And evidently they were hoarders to some degree....The way it was explained to me; the church rented a dumpster after he passed away, and helped the widow get rid of all the junk & garbage....
I guess that is and will be the reality for many elderly people who out live their hoarding spouses...It can't be helped, not by anyone other than the hoarder themselves that is....But that probably doesn't happen often, baring a miraculous healing of the addiction...Which is possible!
Rosered
Submitted by kellyj on
Where I live...their is labor force employers out there that have unskilled labor for cheap. Basically...anyone who walks in and can't find a job? I've paid 16 bucks an hour for as many as I want to come and it's day by day or week by week...what ever you want. Licensed, bonded and insured through the agency itself? You have to tell them what to do...but that shouldn't be too hard? "Pick all this stuff up and move it upstair and out in the dumpster!! LOL You don't need a specialist for that? lol I've had only a couple of these people who were really lazy and you needed to stay on them for the most part. You get to say if you want them back or not so your only out one day at the very most. Pretty painless and pretty low risk?
FYI: A bottle of bleach mixed with water in 5 gallon buckets (like a pint per bucket ) will kill anything alive or dead on contact. Bleech and living organisms...do not mix well? LOL After all....it's just chorine in liquid form...just like in the swimming pool and it evaporates very quickly on it's own even though it's not the most pleasant to smell but only for a short time? Close your eye and pretend your at the swimming pool...it's about the same thing. If it's a cement floor...even better? Just throw the whole bucket down and spread it out with a mop? The only thing a specialist with do....is practically the same thing if disinfecting is all your after. It will disparate into the air all by itself and what is left is water to mop up when your all done? The laborers can do that too I think?
You can't beat chlorine bleach or ammonia for windows...just don't mix these two together? Remember Mustard Gas in World War I ? Not so good!! That's the only warning I can think of....but bleach works fine all by itself? Good on decks too for algae especially at $1.99 per gallon?
J
Thank you for the suggestions
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
Thank you for the suggestions. I think I'm ready to hire people!
My Thoughts Exactly
Submitted by kellyj on
Where's he going to put multiple cans of paint at his parents home? ( amongst other things? ) I like the weekly garbage idea too...it's what I try and do every week to get rid of stuff and not pay any more than I have to?
J