I am going to tread carefully here. First, this is not in referance to anyone here. I thought about what my hubby had yelled at me the other day. He said Do not ever tell me what I am thinking, I don't even know what I am thinking half the time. I was upset at first but he is right. I can ASK him what he is thinking, but speculating is just that, guessing ,speculating and that can go down roads I don't want to. It's a lot like jumping to conclusions.
I don't like to second guess or speculate what is going on in the minds of other people. One of the things hubby said as he read some of the posts is this," There are so many factors behind the responses and reactions. An individuals,background, upbringing, circumstance and personality may have a hand in it. There are some common behaviors and responses, yet even those may have other agendas.
We need to take into account that each person has different coping mechanisms, may have other comorbid issues etc. It is helpful to see the dynamics in other relationships, but one needs to be careful, not to assume that is what is going on with one's own spouse.
We like the analogies, and input, it helps us explore what may be going on. What I don't want to do is think, or say anything that might be incendiary, dismaying etc.
As I learn more here, I try to take into account how unique my hubby is, how special and even he said, shifting through what is ADHD related and what is just who he is will take time and understanding. Then we can better understand what to work on and how.
This brought us to an understanding that growing up his Mother and sisters did EVERYTHING and he did not participate in home upkeep and did not learn life skills. Since he literally went from his mom's house to mine, well it was just a given to him that that is the way it was supposed to be. so he said he got lazy and comfortable with me doing everything.
He is capable, and can learn. One of the issues I had was how he folded clothes, Some things just needed to be folded a certain way to fit where they go. For the longest time he folded things the way he learned in the Navy(goes to show you he can learn a habit or method) Then it would be ten other ways. I asked him WHY. He said "I get bored with folding things the same way." That is all it was. LOL
I thought he was just being stubborn, and doing it "wrong" so I wouldn't make him do it. So much for reading his mond.