Mindreading

I am going to tread carefully here. First, this is not in referance to anyone here. I thought about what my hubby had yelled at me the other day. He said Do not ever tell me what I am thinking, I don't even know what I am thinking half the time. I was upset at first but he is right. I can ASK him what he is thinking, but speculating is just that, guessing ,speculating and that can go down roads I don't want to. It's a lot like jumping to conclusions.

I don't  like to second guess or speculate what is going on in the minds of other people. One of the things hubby said as he read some of the posts is this," There are so many factors behind the responses and reactions. An individuals,background, upbringing, circumstance and personality may have a hand in it. There are some common behaviors and responses, yet even those may have other agendas.

We need to take into account that each person has different coping mechanisms, may have other comorbid issues etc. It is helpful to see the dynamics in other relationships, but one needs to be careful, not to assume that is what is going on with one's own spouse.

We like the analogies, and input, it helps us explore what may be going on. What I don't want to do is think, or say anything that might be incendiary, dismaying  etc.

As I learn more here, I try to take into account how unique my hubby is, how special  and even he said, shifting through what is ADHD related and what is just who he is will take time and understanding. Then we can better understand what to work on and how.

This brought us to an understanding that growing up his Mother and sisters did EVERYTHING and he did not participate in home upkeep and did not learn life skills. Since he literally went from his mom's house to mine, well it was just a given to him that that is the way it was supposed to be. so he said he got lazy and comfortable with me doing everything.

He is capable, and can learn. One of the issues I had was how he folded clothes, Some things just needed to be folded a certain way to fit where they go. For the longest time he folded things the way he learned in the Navy(goes to show you he can learn a habit or method) Then it would  be ten other ways. I asked him WHY. He said "I get bored with folding things the same way." That is all it was. LOL

I thought he was just being stubborn, and doing it "wrong" so I wouldn't make him do it. So much for reading his mond.

I feel it is the collective

I feel it is the collective knowledge of others that helps me more than anything. I cannot honestly say I haven't let the 'negative' thoughts and opinions of others here affect my life, thinking, etc..but for the most part as far as these boards go, I think everyone knows that each opinion should be taken as not only the individual experience of that person, but witht he personality of that other person sprinkled in. Still, overall, I think this forum...mindreading and all....general feelings and commonalities and all...is a great place for support. We cannot know anything other than what is posted...but some of us have been through so many similiar things that there is something very comforting (and heartbreaking) about our connections. I know that NO ONE in my 'real' life understands the way anyone here does.

As for reading the minds of our spouses...I have mistakenly assumed I knew what he was thinking, what his motives were...and then again I know him better than anyone else does (because I love him and care to know everything about him)...so I'm not always wrong. He has such a hard time explaining things sometimes that I have to just 'read between the lines', so to speak. I try not to let him know that I think I know what he's saying...LOL I'm confused now.

Sherri