My husband of 23 years has self-diagnosed himself with adhd. I am in complete agreement. Issues in our marriage have led us to marriage therapists for the last 2 years. Our counselors have told me they believe my husband has NPD (narcisstic personality disorder) , that I am being emotionally abused and that we should separate for the emotional well-being of myself and our children. I am not completely sold on that diagnosis, although that could be because I am conditioned to make excuses for him. It seems like a lot of symptoms of ADHD (casting blame, not taking responsibility, abusing others' property, interrupting, not being self-aware) are also symptoms of NPD. Is one condition often mistaken for the other? I don't want to stay in an abusive relationship, but I don't want to leave prematurely, if adhd therapy could help the situation.
Therapy can help if he is committed
Submitted by adhd32 on
If your spouse can dedicate himself to learning new behaviors and applying them to his life, there is hope. From my experience commitment wanes a bit each day until we are back to square one. Listen to your counselor, regardless of the label, the negative behaviors have the same devastating effect on your self-worth. Save your children from this chaos, they suffer too.
Thanks for the reply, adhd32.
Submitted by ffmm on
Thanks for the reply, adhd32. I also resonate with experiencing commitment waning. I k ow the effects are the same for both diagnosis, but I hoped that treatment for the ADHD would be more effective than treatment for NPD, which I've been told is virtually hopeless.
Disorders usually come in groups.....
Submitted by c ur self on
Many minds that have high level adhd can also have several other disorders going on...(bi-polar, & NPD tendencies are common, same here) .I would encourage you to focus more how to deal, or not deal, (engage it) with the behavior's themselves vs diagnosing his mind....Whether you stay with him or leave him, it will always be his responsibility to manage his own life and how it effects others....Your comment is so true about how we tend to make excuses for those we love....Only bad things (physically, mentally, and emotionally) happen when a spouse attempts to fix, point out, or carry another adult....
When we confront a person verbally who is in denial or blind to their own actions....All you will ever get is defensiveness, anger, arguments, blame, and hard things said you can't take back, and in many cases can't recover from...(You and the children don't deserve the product of that reality)....
Set boundaries to do your best to protect the children and yourself....Do not verbally engage ticking time bombs is #1...#2 is calmly continue to point him to professionals about his behaviors. #3 Never feel bad about doing the right thing for your families safety....
c
C! This was so encouraging.
Submitted by ffmm on
C! This was so encouraging. Thank you for validating my experience and emotions. I'm doing my best to NOT engage during this time of evaluating my next steps.