Miss Behaven and Normal Mom One and the Same

For those of you who have been concerned about the tone of voice used by "Miss Behaven" lately, you may remember an episode some time ago when we uncovered a person at the website who was posting fraudulently here - claiming things about herself that weren't true, posing as two different people who would then get into arguments with each other that would upset many people in the forum, etc.  One of the "names" for that person was "Normal Mom" and she is back - this time in the "role" of Miss Behaven and, also, CrazyDave (a new character who hasn't had much time to post yet).  We have airtight proof that Miss Behaven is Normal Mom.

I am sorry that this person feels the need to come here and stir things up every once in a while, but she seems to.  We actually know who she is but don't see a reason to pursue her.  Her behavior is disturbing.  We will try to ferret her out earlier next time she returns if we can.  Anyway, know that the conversations about "retards" and non-ADHD partners being snobs and the other offensive things she said were (I guess) intended to stir up trouble - or perhaps get back at us for banning her the first time.

That's really too bad

Miss Behaven gave me some ideas that I found helpful. I particularly liked her post about "why I hate the phone" that gave me some insight into why my ADD husband lost his phone job and threw our whole lives into turmoil. Now I wonder if any of that is true.

I simply don't understand why anyone would do that. It's hard enough to deal with these issues without thinking that the person you think understands and is helping you is lying.

some of what she said rings true

It's hard to draw the line between true and false when a person misrepresents herself this way.  I would suggest you consider that her postings of "inside the head conversations" were probably pretty accurate, and her representations of who she is are false.  I would also discount everything that she said that was cranky or mean-spirited.  We actually know who this person is, and she has posted on other sites that she hates this site, so it seems likely that the upsetting things she wrote about (and created a stir with) were written with the desired purpose of creating a commotion to somehow discredit the site.  But to give you an example, there is little/no evidence that she has been pregnant or had a child - that this part of her "persona" was completely made up (or, more accurately, "wishful thinking" as she has written elsewhere that she would like to have a child.)

It's all very sad, really.

Thanks, Melissa

I had wondered if she was another pot-stirrer, and usually I don't get worked up about the things such a person says.  This time, however, her word choice truly bothered me.  I suppose anything negative directed at someone I love is bound to affect me more deeply than an arrow shot in my direction.   The mother tigress in me I suppose...:)

I'll never understand such mean-spiritedness...and yes, it is very sad indeed.

This may just be a

This may just be a coincidence, but my ADHD spouse also has a tendency to get very involved with forum "flame" wars, and often creates shill accounts to back up his viewpoint.  It is something that he gets hyper focused on to the point of irrationality sometimes. 

Fortunately, he hasn't done this recently, but it always bothers me when he creates fake accounts to bolster his arguments. 

This just makes less than no sense to me....

before when Normal Mom and her alterego were fighting with eachother and with pretty much everyone else here, there was at least a kind of sick sense to the attempt she was making to stir things up, upset ppl, and maybe in her mind eventually cause ppl to stop posting here at all.  It is ridiculous and childish, but it made some sort of sick sense.  I mean a reasonable person would just avoid a site they did not like, but ok she is a pot stirrer and wants to cause trouble...........sick but to each his own.  

 

This new attempt just leaves me baffled.  She did actually seem to provide some useful information with regard to an ADD brain.  Yes I think she was pretty nasty at times to the "nonADDers" and acted like she genuinely thought that ppl were out to make  ADDers lives hard and make them fail on purpose.  These things make no sense to me and certainly are not in line with our experiences, but I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt that perhaps her experiences were just that different from ours.  I was THRILLED to see Melissa's post about how her family has NEVER experienced the rudeness and hatefulness that Miss Behavin was always claiming was common to ADD.  We've never had anyone particularly react at all to my husband's having ADD, much less call him a retard or any other derogatory term.

 

Making shill accounts with the attempt to "bolster your argument" makes literally less than no sense to me.  These ppl do realize that they are agreeing with THEMSELVES right?  How does that  support an argument or idea in any way??  This kind of thing is the kind of thing that makes me wonder if some ppl are genuinely beyond any non-professional's ability to converse with or find a common ground or exchange any ideas whatsoever.  If you are benefitted in your mind in any way by posting a claim, then logging on as another person and agreeing to the same claim, then honestly I don't want to ever have anything to do with you.  We are just way too far apart on the logic scale, reasonable scale, and common sense scale.

 

SHEESH O MATIC  My head is still spinning around!  I wish I didn't keep trying to make sense of it, but I can't seem to let it go.  Can anyone explain this type of thinking to me???

As best we can tell

As best we can tell she may have some or all of these motivations:

  1. She makes up stories to get people to interact with her and make her feel good and taken care of.  Examples include her pregnancy (didn't exist), the birth of the baby (didn't happen), her husband dying of MS (total falsehood - she actually claims to be single on another site) and that she was suicidal (she used this last to "prove" that we didn't care enough to respond to her appropriately about it since we didn't call the suicide prevention hotline on her behalf.)  She gets people to "be on her team" and care about her with these lies.  Perhaps she thinks they won't care about her otherwise.
  2. She really does hate this site.  She seems to have an obsession about us, and she writes of her hate on the other site at times.  She takes stories that she creates here between her characters (since the rest of the people here don't write the outrageous things she seeks) and copies them back to the other site she is a moderator on (YIKES< THAT's SCARY!!!) as "proof" that we are inconsiderate, ADD-bashers.  (The most recent post by CrazyDave (a.k.a. her) asked the question "Am I welcome here?"  She is attempting (for some unknown reason) to demonstrate we are mean.
  3. As George noted, we do actually know quite a bit about her at this point.  She is quite a bit out of the mainstream in her main hobbies and preoccupations - it's possible she just thinks she has something to prove to a world that doesn't understand her...or needs to make up a world in which she is right/fits in.
  4. I sometimes wonder if she is a pathological liar, though I don't actually know and don't have enough knowledge about that mental illness to really guess.  However, she also misleads the readers on the ADDforums site, too.  Their administrators are not as good as my wonderfully talented husband at  IT so they don't pick it up (the process is quite complex, and you have to have a reason to undertake it).  They also seem slow to want to censure one of their moderators, though this makes no sense to me.  Wouldn't you want to protect your readership from this sort of scam?!  (And take the person doing the lying out of a position of responsibility at the site?)

wow, ADD

and multiple personality disorder maybe? What if she's a hoarder, sitting behind her computer all day with piles of stuff all around her... maybe she's really a he... w o w. I'm feeling duped again. 

hockeymom11's picture

to think

that her rude comments directed towards me almost made me leave this site all together.  Someone should really go check on this person if they know her, that is COMPLETE mental instability. 

she lives

a long way away.  And, furthermore, as far as I'm concerned she can stew in her juices.  She's responsible for getting herself the help she needs with her mental issues, not me.  (If I sound angry, I am - I've had enough of her games.  This is a community of people formed to learn, share and grow.  Her comments are directed towards trying to tear people apart and make people leave.  If she is successful, "the terrorists win."

We know who MissBehavin is

We know exactly who it is, both online and off, and it is a "she".  In fact, she is a very active participant (well over 1000 posts) in one of the other online ADHD forums, where it turns out that she has had multiple accounts and personnas, as well.  I am working with the administrator of that other forum to determine whether they wish to address it over there.

Being new to the site, I

Being new to the site, I hesitated to say anything or get involved, but some of the stuff was just 'out there'.  I tried to be as kind and tactful as I could, keeping in mind (NO offense intended to anyone) that we were allegedly dealing with someone who had ADD.

I feel sorry for people like that, I truly do...I would hate to be such a tortured soul...that I had to resort to cruelty and deception for entertainment purposes. I was worried, hockeymom, that you were going to leave the site...even though I was new, I hated to think that would happen. I KNOW you can find support and understanding here, don't ever let anyone make you leave for any reason. :)

Way to be on top of things, admins...in a way I'm relieved to know she wasn't 'real'...it was somewhat of a 'shock' to see such distasteful behavior when you're new to the site and can't weed through the information easily as it is.

I cannot find a member list

I cannot find a member list here...but there are some posts this morning that I find extremely odd (especially the name of the user) and am wondering if she isn't back already. Cannot find anywhere to alert the admins either...

hockeymom11's picture

I agree

Fruitcake's responses and tones sound very similar to Miss Behaven, even her writing style is similar.  I hope she is not at it again.  If Fruitcake is a legitimate person on this blog than I apologize in advance.

Ops!

Sorry and thank you! :o

not miss behavin

You can always reach us via the contact form.  She is not Miss Behavin (from the other side of the world, none of the same "fingerprints").  She is just new and is finding her voice.  Let's give her the benefit of the doubt - she hasn't had much time to explore and see what's what here.

PS We don't publish the "member list" due to our deep respect for people's privacy.  We also have the same ability to track all posts and comments for any one person (like you will find on your user page that is visible only to you and no-one else).  We have thought about letting people opt in, allowing us to publish the top users and direct links to all their posts (we have it built, but not released to anyone but me and Melissa, again, for privacy reasons).  We are trying to balance privacy with a sense of community, so your input would be helpful.

The site is also getting a bit big, and so we have all sorts of other ways developed to help navigate all the content (most read, most emailed, most commented, etc), top posters, reinstating a "voting" or "is helpful" flag for users to identify good (and bad) content.  We are discussing which of these are appropriate to release into production.

I am new, so I didn't know if

I am new, so I didn't know if the person I was thinking sounded a lot like her was new too..maybe her under a new IP or something...that's the only interest in the members list. :) I was just curious...and a little suspicious..but am very willing to give the benefit of the doubt as well. Thanks for the contact info.

Oh Dear!!!

Sorry folks. No I am not Miss Behavin. I did not mean to induce Post Traumatic Stress in a whole population by posting - sorry again :|   My screen name is my nickname given to me by my father when young as I have dark hair and am full of interesting things!

I have been reading this site for many years on and off so probably feel more 'at home' than I should have without introducing myself. For many years I have had a dinosaur of a computer and dial-up Internet so forums were off limits. The only other option was to use my sons computer and he would have been on to me in a shot. So I guess I feel my time and place is now. :)

I do have a very direct and sometimes confronting style - so I apologies to anyone in advance for their discomfort with that, but please ask or tell me if that is the case as I will not always be viewing things from their intended direction, as my platform is vast.

Yes I am female, I live in the Southern Hemisphere, (so culturally there are minor differences), we have family all over the world, many who are affected by ADD/ADHD, Giftedness, Learning Difficulties, Anxiety Disorders or co-morbidly more than one, as are we ourselves. (You never would have guesses would you! :D )

I have worked in or have significant experience over the past 30 years, in the fields of, child development, child care, specific learning disabilities, gifted and learning disabled, ADHD/ADD, autism and Asperger's, not to mention many years in pharmacy too. 

When Driven to Distraction was released in Hard cover I bought 5 copies immediately and distributed them to significant professionals followed by another 5 copies for friends and family. Finally I had found a concise window into our world - so thank you very much Ned! Also to Melissa for the bigger picture, keeping the ball rolling after the 'hyper focus' of the book, and I am a great proponent of Richard Lavoi and Linda Silverman.

Now I have only read a couple of comments re my post but thought I had better clear things a little before they got too out of hand. So sorry if I have glossed over at this point.

Pink's picture

Thank you

Melissa thank you for pointing this out. She was rude to me as well. I am just trying to get help and understand my family here. I hope she can find the help she needs. She seem very alone and without a support. She makes the computer her family and her life. It is sad. If she is back and reading this... hoping and might be willing to find her way to get the right help she needs.

Pink's picture

I think she is in labor!

In a post I was reading.. I can't recall which one.. that was in early August and she said that she is due anytime soon. (if she is telling the real story). She might be having a baby. I don't see in other post saying that she is expecting a baby expect for one post. Maybe that why she is not on the site.

she is not on the site because she is banned

She in fact did announce on the site that her new baby did arrive (we have started removing her comments), and many of the members here wrote to congratulate her.  At the same time, she was also posting (as CrazyDave) that she was childless but always wanted children.  Previously, as NormalMom, she was posting that she did not have ADHD, but her husband did (who she said was dying from MS).  As ClingingToLife, she wrote how suicidal she was, and this site, with all the negative comments about ADHDer's here had driven her to suicide.

On another forum, as NormalMom, she wrote how insensitive this site was to ADHD people, and how it was irresponsible for us not to help people who are suicidal on our site, and how outrageous this site was (many of the outrageous comments she quoted were in fact posted by her as another personna).  As RHW (as synonym that I will use for now for her registered username there) on these other forums, she was quite vociferous in defending NormalMom, saying that she knew NormalMom personally, and that we were causing her quite a bit of pain by making up that she was using multiple accounts here, and that she wasn't really three different people, but that others were sharing her internet connection (and later her computer), or that her husband was the one really being the different persona, because he was so angry about what was being said about ADHDers on the site.  Later, as RHW, she said some very nasty things about this site, and moved the admins to ban even the mention of this site on their forums (the word adhdmarriage is actually automatically replaced with stars upon posting to their site).  She has gone on to post that this time, bad people are stealing her internet (and then later, after we identified that the proof is more than the same internet connection), also using her computer and finally that they hacked into her email accounts that were used to establish accounts on this forum).

Needless to say, this woman is either very unstable, or has a strong ax to grind with this site, or both.  We have provided much more detailed information to the admins of the other site, and they have chosen to ignore it, as they did with the info we provided about NormalMom's multiple accounts and conflicting stories a few months ago.

And, this person did not have a baby.  She had recent pictures up on her own website (identified to the email she used to register here) and the other forums (including identical pictures of herself in accounts used by RHW and MissBehavin) that showed she clearly was not pregnant.  It was all made up, as were all the other stories, meant to elicit both empathy and outrage.  I only wish we had caught her sooner, and that the other site would also take action on their site to keep their readers safe from this person as well.

Simply said

there never was a baby.  She made it up to get sympathy, along with a bunch of other things.