My husband (and the love of my life) has ADD.
For the past 11 years, I have accepted that his strengths lie mostly in inconspicuous places: he is thoughtful with others, focused when fixing big machines, grateful for his hard work, observant of all that is going on in American politics, fun and jolly when talking with other guys, goes above and beyond the call of duty at work, full of zeal when it’s time to go to the bar to meet his buddies, super extra talkative with other women... That last one, is the killer.
I have read a lot about adult ADD... I try as best as I can to be the good wife, the good friend, the patient assistant, the caring coach... It seemed all worth it until I found out that my husband was leading a double life... Telling women he met that I was his good friend and roommate.
We went to couples’ counseling for about a dozen sessions... but in truth, I do not feel that the psychologist really understood what it means to live with ADD for either of us. My husband seemed to feel that he needed someone to listen to him, apparently something I was not doing. We agreed to turn a new page and went on a super vacation... I felt that getting the affair out in the open had helped some, and some discussions indicated that he felt really badly about the whole thing... Maybe, there was some hope for us...
Just about a year later, a couple of weeks before Christmas, I found some chats my husband took part in with 2 women, one chat from the women he had been involved with for six months, and another where he was engaging in some silly sex talk with... an old teenage flame rekindled through Facebook. The first seemed to be breaking up with him, telling him that she didn’t want to loose him completely... the other, trying to figure out a way to meet up on a vacation, without me knowing... Yada yada yada... I feel so hurt and discouraged... all the time.
When I confronted him, we agreed to deal with our problems after the holidays, because my in-laws were coming for a two week visit... But now, I’m not quite sure how to approach the topic. I never know if he is telling me the truth, and for sure, this is not a conversation that neither of us are looking forward to. Whether the cheating was (is?) physical or emotional, I’m not sure. Either way, it is destroying the relationship.
Is it even possible to reason in honesty with the ADD mind?
There are no qualified psychologists that specialize on adult ADD around here to lean on for support...