Quote from "Switching Gears from Immaturity to Maturity in Marriage":
If you have ever been with children, you realize they are self-absorbed because they are in the center of their own worlds. Children place their pleasures at the center of almost every decision.This is normal for a child. It is abnormal for an adult.
After years of observing couples, we believe movement from immaturity to maturity is characterized by several difficult (and mostly manual) shifts.
A shift from dependence and independence to interdependence.
A shift from egocentricity to other-centricity.
A shift from passivity to proactivity.
A shift from pleasure-centeredness to purpose-centeredness.
A shift from the acquisition to the application of knowledge.
I believe I have shifted from childishness to maturity on steps 1-4. But I am still trying to acquire knowledge (the fifth step) like a child waiting to graduate from school before I can make my own decisions. I am stuck in still finding knowledge but not actually APPLYING the knowledge.....oh so afraid to make a big mistake! Since I have had children and a marriage partner I have been unsure of my instincts and don't dare to risk. When it was just me, I felt I could be riskier. I calculate and analyze things. I've been afraid and careful. I am also seeing that the mommy/child relationship between dh and me stems from his inability/unwillingness/unawareness toward being a mature adult. He has not STEPPED UP to be a man and responsible adult in an adult relationship. He has not done ANY of the steps from childishness to maturity mentioned above. I cannot function myself anymore while I am nothing more than here for his use and to be taken advantage of....like a teenager does his parents. I get to stop trying to GROW HIM UP and put my big girl pants on MYSELF and actually apply what I know, risk, listen to my heart. Now I will be trying to find courage, love (rather than fear) and listen to my own instincts. Yes, I realize that writing here and searching on the internet keeps me stuck on number five on that list. Ugh.
“The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships.”